Wednesday, June 30, 2010

the gnome casting animation

If you think about it, DPS, as in "LF 2 DPS ICC10" doesn't make any sense. I wonder how it got stuck.

"LF 2 DPS 2 TPS and 1 HPS, preferrably shaman PST"

"Dude, why are you looking for TPS and HPS? Don't you mean 2 Tanks and 1 Healer?"

"Yeah. TPS and HPS are units of measurement. It's not a person or a thing."

"What a nub. I bet he calls his car MPH and his microwave GHz."

"Maybe he meant he's Looking for Threat just like Johnny Lee was Looking for Love."
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Sometime ago, I decided I want a caster dps.

So I rolled a lock. As I was rounding up the last series of quests in Dunmorg, I was struck with pangs of sadness-- I realized that my lvl 14 warlock has more offensive buttons than my lvl 80 ret pally. I know locks are pure dps and paladins are distilled diluted dps, but still.

Warlock is fun. It's all the dot dot dot dot set it and forget it Ron Popeil Showtime Rotisserie I expected it to be.

Here's why I don't wanna be a warlock though: Blizzard loves mages way more than they love warlocks. I think they feel that warlock dps has to be snubed because of its extremely powerful PvP utility spells. It's just a guess, but I'm sure there are many PvE warlocks who'd gladly trade in Howl of Terror, Fear, and Death Coil for a dps buff.

... Crap. I wanna talk about my mage now, but I don't know how to segueway into it.

Gnomes have the best casting animation. Throw your hands in the air! But your hands only come up to your ears!

I piss my pants when I see caster mobs, because I can't wait to counterspell them. I've gotten good with CS, but I'm still working on Frost Nova (I don't know how to time it, so I keep casting it when nobody's around. Every time I do that, I hear judgemental crickets chirping bro, why u trippin bro?) and Blink (Each time I blink, I have to zoom out and scan my camera angle cause I don't know where I am).

I'm only lvl 42, but I'm already worried about terrible things that'll happen when I hit 80.

The Council of Elron bestowed the burden of ring bearing to Elijah Wood and the burden of porting to mages. I get that. I accept the power and the responsibilities. But, how am I to handle 5000 scrubs soliciting unwanted whispers? can you port me to dal? are you happy with your current long distance carrier? can you port me to dal? I'm telling you right now, that's going to drive me absolutely fooking nuts.
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I like sitting in one zone to finish all the quests. I don't like hopping around.

I finally decided to leave STV and check out Dust Wallow Marsh, because the quest givers would not leave me alone about Tabetha. Go speak with Tabetha. Have you spoke to Tabetha? Dude. Bro. Go see Tabetha. Oh btw, you need to speak to Tabetha.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

profanity filter

I was wondering why my guildies were censoring themselves on gchat. Does the new chat frame turn on the profanity filter by default?

I think it'd be way more fun if the censor replaces profane words with other real words instead of @#$(%^&.

You moth flutter! Rez me nao!

No.

Suck on my deck and go "mmmm patio furnitures". Rez me NAO!

No.

Ok, ok. I'm sorry rez me please.

You should really check out that entry in link. Black has to be the second funniest scrub I've ever seen. This guy wins:

[Scrub]: You stupid bg leader! Take this mark off my head now!

[BG Leader]: ...

[Scrub]: Take it off now!

[BG Leader]: Dude, that's Hunter's Mark.

Monday, June 21, 2010

fire

After a disastrous VoA pug run, we sent ESPN’s Rachel Nichols down the vault for post-game interviews:

Why did you stand in fire?

A) This isn’t to say that my male Axilla (more commonly known as the armpit) is already producing irresistible amount of pheromone, but chicks are drawn to firefighters, super heroes, and generally speaking, guys who stand in fire.

B) I don’t know… Why did you stand in fire?... Why didn’t you turn on the dishwasher?... oh geez, you sound like my wife. I already feel dumb; you don't have to make me come up with a reason. I mean, can I just be stupid with no particular reasons? It’s not like I spent half an hour loading the dish washer and purposely decided to NOT turn it on just to mess with her.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

resume

I went to Seattle’s Best for a cup of coffee. I also ended up getting a beautiful slice of cheese cake because it was sitting there motioning come hither cowboy. The stupid casher carelessly crushed the corner of my cake. “oops, tee hee hee sorry!” is all she had to say… I didn’t think it was funny. How about I crush your hopes and dreams too and then laugh at you. Would you like that?
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Today, Kim asks:

"Would you dare mention being a WoW guild leader on a resume or at a job interview?"

Uh, yeah? Do you write your name on your resume?

Here are the winning tips from the NY Times Best Selling author of Lick that Glass Ceiling then Punch it in the Face:

Kimberly Dowd, The King Slayer, MBA is terribly unreadable. The proper format is King Slayer Kimberly Dowd. Be sure to omit ubiquitous (and irrelevant) academic designations (e.g., MBA) from the header.

When summarizing your key statistics, capitalize and for the love of dirka dirka Muhammad, do not abbreviate. Write "Defensive Rating Capped", not "def capped". This isn't trade chat.

Highlight achievements, not responsibilities. “Responsible for raid leading” is bad. “Strategized and coordinated devastating attacks against the Ice Crown Citadel, which lead to the complete annihilation of the Lich King and his yes-minions.”—good.
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EDIT:

I think the article Kim linked has some merits. I can think of two particular people that I feel comfortable hiring in real life solely based on the phenomenal leadership, intelligence, and people skills they've demonstrated within WoW.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I raided for the first time in months

Boy, was I clueless and out of rhythm.

I was clocking in rock bottom on recount, and let me tell you, it's an awful feeling. I wonder how Rivs copes with such feelings of inadequacy day in and day out.

I'm gonna watch How Stella Got Her Groove Back so I can get mine back too.

In other news, I completed 4pc t10. I hate the way my awesome Ironforge tabard gets tucked into skirt. If Blizzard's read a single issue of GQ in the past 3 years, they'd know such fashion faux pas is as tacky as wearing open-toe shoes with no pedicure.
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Are you guys following the World Cup? My enthusiasm for this monumental sporting event is just shy of going to work with a full face paint, but no one else seems to care. I heard back in 1994, half the Americans didn't even know they were the hosting country XD..... I used XD emoticon, which represents errmm... a laughing cyclops, to indicate how absurd that is.
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You guys know Amtrak's Julie? It's an amazing voice-recognition phone tree system with just the right personal touch:

"Ok, did I heard you say from NY Penn Station to Washington DC Union station?"

"No Jong, there is no place called Kokomo."

Anyways, Bank of America's implemented a similar system too, except it's a dude. The thing is, if you wanna speak to a real person because you have a question that's NOT on the phone tree menu, it'll still take you through ridiculous loops. If that's ever the case, just start cursing right into the phone-- motherf***ing c0cksuc*king piece of sh1t c*nt--and it'll actually recognize you're pissed: "It sounds like you'd like to speak to a customer service representative."

It's important to enunciate those words. If you mumble, it'll just say, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch what you said."

Thursday, June 10, 2010

some blogger links

In case you didn't know, fire trucks don't yield to pedestrians. I know this for a fact, because I almost got run over by one just now.

In other news, my furniture is here! I ordered $1000 worth of stuff from IKEA, which is saying a lot. That's like ordering $50 worth of food at McDonalds.
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Rivs
is one of my favorite warlock bloggers with unparalleled enthusiasm for his class. He's that guy who interjects with WARLOCKS RULE!!!!! every chance he gets. His latest on how he capitalized on an unwitting enemy’s selfish, irresponsible acts.

Two new blogs to my list: Pugging Pally and Pugnacious Priest. There’s definitely going to be confusions arising from the ambiguous acronym.

“Hey dude, have you read PP today?”

“Which one? The present progressive one (i.e., pugging) or the belligerent, adjective one (i.e., pugnacious)?

I found Pugging Pally because she drew Anea’s awesome blog header.

I once mentioned that New Zealand is my favorite country from down under because it’s Gnomeaggedon’s homeland. Someone stood up, strongly disapproved, and said, “Oh yeah? Australia rules because Pugnacious Priest is an Australian!”…so I subscribed to the blog. I also like to add that Gnome is from New Zealand as much as Rivs is a warlock.

I like Euripedes' new home.

Whenever I’m confused or sad, I crank up Runaway Train and imagine myself walking down this path.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

water

I was walking back to my apartment from a local sports bar (GO Celtics). Rapidly forming storm clouds signaled an impending down pour, but I didn’t scurry, because I’m cowboy like that.

I was thoroughly drenched. I didn’t care; I’ll just take a hot shower and fix me up hot plate of fetucini alfredo. Some red wine and some Kelly Clarkson. Good to go.

A memo from the management office ruined my elaborate (and infinitely manly) evening plans:

Dear Resident,

The crew running the ground construction next to our building accidently decapitated the main water pipe with a fork crane. No water for you.

Luckily for all of us, this is merely a real-life scenario that only resulted in abruptly cutting off the water supply to hundreds of innocent people at the most inopportune time. If this were the World of Warcraft—god forbid—such carelessness would have surely resulted in a disastrous raid wipe.

Thanks

This posed a serious problem. You see, I hate not getting cleaned up when I wanna get cleaned up. So, I took a “shower” with Lemon-scented Clorox Disinfectant Wipes. In the absence of running water, the extremely potent multi-purpose house cleaning chemical agents felt as good on my skin as baby wipes—except it stung really badly. It was all worth it: cleanliness is next to awesomeness.

Maybe it was the Clorox slowly seeping through my blood stream, but I was absolutely livid at the befuddled inadequate reject that brought this upon me. I have zero tolerance for other people’s incompetence (my generosity for my own incompetence is like Budah). NOT severing the concrete pipe with a fork crane is EASY. Here’s how you do it:

Step 1) Hop on the crane.
Step 2) Don’t sever the water pipe.

See? And I’m not even a certified operator.

Mom told me to count to ten whenever I find myself getting riled up, but that never works. I’m an efficient multi-tasker, which means I can count to ten and be pissed off at the same.
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EDIT: I took out the bits on politics, because 1) I agree with shamerockgirl and 2) making a political statement on a wow blog is as appropriate as making a political statment at the dinner table on a first date.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

bears

I found BBB’s latest post title--You are the wind beneath my wings-- to be somewhat ironic, because there was a time I didn’t know BBB well, but one of his entries was so good, I wanted to comment “Did you ever know you were my hero?”

I didn’t because, as you know, I’m an introvert and I have trouble expressing myself. I was also afraid he’d answer my rhetorical question with another rhetorical question Sgt. Hartman style: “Are you just sucking up to me or making a pass at me? Piss off! Sempre Fi!”

In conclusion, big bear turned out to be a super nice guy \o/
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I rolled a hunter on Argent Dawn.

I tamed an awesome bear. Grimtooth, who I know has leveled at least three dorf hunters, suggested that bears make excellent leveling pet. “It’s like having a pocket pally,” he said. I thought this was funny. Pally AOE is so broken that people associate thunderstomping tenacity pets with pallies (remember BRK's Gorilladin tshirt?), even if the said pet happens to be a BEAR that comes with pet skills called Claw and Swipe.

I named my bear BigBearButt, the most iconic and unambiguous feral druid name I know, just to see if people would still come up and say: “Hey dude, I like your bear. Bears are cool; it’s like having a pocket pally, isn’t it?”

Bears are awesome leveling pets, not only because they tank real good, but also because they’ll eat ANYTHING in your bag—fish, cheese, bread, fungus, beef flavor ramen, margarita jello shots, etc. You probably won’t appreciate this unless you’ve had to run around in a panic state looking for a fish vendor shortly after realizing that your unhappy cat doesn’t like Parmigiano Reggiano. Go back to your country you uncultured American cat /dismiss.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Optimus would plug the crap out of that hole.

I reinstalled wow and logged in for the first time since February.

It seems like the life on Azeroth moved on just fine without me. The sun still rose, mortgage payments were made, and a new batch of odd-defying American Idol contestants were selected.

I rolled a lvl 1 warlock on Argent Dawn so I can apply to the prestigious hardcore raiding guild Single Abstract Noun. I tried whispering some members, but they told me to piss off and ignored me.... I'm okay, it’s just feelings, it’ll heal back.

I’m not ready to jump back into the raiding scene. I have to get used to the buttons and stuff. More importantly, I have to restore the killer instinct. I’ve lost that fire, and I’ve turned into this big casual pussy who don’t care about topping recount.

I ordered a custom body-length mirror to conduct the daily self-affirmation and fire restoration therapy:

You are Jong.
You are one handsome magnificent bastard.
You are, in fact, what Willis was talking about.
Yes you are.
And you will dance as if no one is watching.
Yes you will.
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I enjoy reading Maureen Dowd’s op-ed. She wields rapier wit and mad opinionating skills:

One little hole a mile down on the ocean floor, so deep it seems like hell spewing up its sulfurous smoke, has turned the thrilling saga of “The One” into the gurgling horror of “The Abyss.” (Thank goodness James Cameron, the director of “The Abyss,” came to Washington Tuesday to help the administration figure out how to cap the BP well. What’s next? Sending down the Transformers and Megan Fox?)

She kinda looks like D, an impressive lady I work with who gets included in all the who’s-who list of the Wall Street. She said I was stupid and need more schooling (she really said that in so many words and hurt my feelings). I think women have the potential to be a lot meaner than men as managers. My theory is that they’re constantly playing Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know in their heads, which renders them incapable of feeling any remorse.