Friday, April 16, 2010

chocolate cake, girls, and submarines

My last hello post didn't make any sense. Why didn't anyone say hey dude this post doesn't make any sense? I'm starting to think you don't care. You don't EVEN CARE.

It's now time for Jong's Best of Spring 2010.

The Best Airport: DFW International. It's gigantic, but you can go from here to there on a skylink bullet train in no time. The computer lady who announces "the next stop is concourse B" sounds like the girl from Tankspot. I heard Ari has that soothing nerdy voice too.

The Best Country from Down Under: New Zealand. I used to think NZ was worthless, but now I love it, because it's Gnomeaggedon's homeland.

The Best Steak House Dessert: Smith & Wollensky's Drunken Donuts. I like it. Girls don't like it, because they don't like getting sugary powder all over their face. Their favorite seems to be Morton's Godiva chocolate cake; they'll take pictures of the cake from 20 different angles to upload on their facebook, and then only eat three bites.

....I have to digress here, because I really have to ask: why do girls go to the bathroom together? "Cathy, let's go to the bathroom!" "Okay!" They're all giggly about it too.

Why?

I'm thinking the toilet in girl's room operate like the nuclear torpedo launcher in Hunt For Red October: two people have to sit on it and synchronize the encrypted keys to flush it.

Let's say Darraxus and I happen to be dining at a swanky steakhouse with our dates. If I get up, walk up to him, and say "hey buddy, let's go to the bathroom" as I reach out my hand for his, what do you think his reaction will be?

A) Okay! tee hee hee hee hee

B) Why should I go with you? I'm not a "friendly helpful stupid social" who leveled to Grand Master Pissing to carry the M&S.

C) /cast [target=jong] Neck Punch (Rank 4)

It's probably C. I'll accept B. If it's A, I'll punch him in the neck and never talk to him again.