Wednesday, October 27, 2010

female druid forms

Someone asked for female druid forms at blizzcon. Initially, I thought omg that's so dumb, what a gigantic waste of a question! Look at that tree out the window. Is that a boy tree or a girl tree? I don't know. I'm a bond trader, not a botanist. I don't know. How about this bear. Is this a momma bear or pappa bear John Patricelli dancing after scoring the headless horseman mount?
Again, I don't know. In fact, even bears have to sniff each other's butt to tell boys and girls apart. There's no such thing as "female druid form"!... then someone pointed out the mane on horde cats... oohhhh....

Horde cats are definitely males. You know how I know? Because I was a lion in my previous life. I distinctly remember prowling the Savannah going toe to toe with the incumbent King. At stake was the supremacy over the 11th district pride, exclusive shagging rights with all the lionesses, child alimony of 4 fuzzy cuddly cubs, and dibs on prime zebra cuts. I was a boy and I had a mane; therefore, horde cats are males. Quode Erat Demonstrandum.

So, I've determined that a request for female druid forms is perfectly legitimate and merits blizzard's thoughtful considerations.

Here's another one: "...I wonder if we can have some that didn't look like they came out of a Victoria's Secrets catalogue?"

The question's vague. Was she asking for A) Realistic and Diverse Body Figures; or B) Realistic Battle Gears (i.e., No Plate Bikinis).
 
I'm guessing it's B (she could have easily referenced Hanes Her Way Plus Size catalog, but Victoria Secret is more mainstream).
 
First, let me address the practicality of skimpy armors. In my previous life, I served as one of King Leonidas' chief lieutenants. I was the leader of the 3rd platoon, which covers the left flank on the 1-3-1 potato wedge formation. The Spartan army had standard-issue plate armors, but us here at the Special Forces rocked nothing but the purple Speedos. You see, we fought as a single, impenetratable Phalax. Everyone protects the soldier left of him from thigh to neck with the shield. We didn't plan on getting hit, so the heavy armors were just cumbersome weight hindering our mobility.
 
Mobility wins games. My oozing sex appeal was merely a secondary effect. Speedos are very real (as attested by the recorded memory of my previous life) and practical (did Spartans win?).
 
With that said, I can see why some women don't like skimpy armors. Even though I'm not a woman, I'm a chic, metrosexual yuppie who regularly scores above 95th percentile on any type of standardized Emotional Quotient tests (that means I have superb abilities to see things from other people's perspective)....damn it... I have no idea where I'm going with this... mebee I'll finish later.

10 comments:

River said...

I was going to create a female druid, and name it Rivsbear.

Suicidal Zebra said...

"At stake was the supremacy over the 11th district pride, exclusive shagging rights with all the lionesses, child alimony of 4 fuzzy cuddly cubs, and dibs on prime zebra cuts. "

You beautiful, beautiful bastard! :(

Bee said...

Druid Travel form is definitely female. So if you say Cat Form is male - that makes it sorta even out.

Bear Form is androgynous, much like "It's Pat" from old-days Saturday Night Live.

The Aquatic travel form is as male as the day is long. It's gross and ugly and I know it has a twig and berries tucked up in it's crotch flap.

So that leaves the score: 2 males - to 1 female - to 1 PAT

By my calculations it's only fair that the Tree form be as feminine as possible. Might I recommend a Cherry Blossom tree? Those are pretty and smell good too. Just like girls :)

Jong said...

@bee

You're a liar. You're telling me you can tell a boy cheetah apart from a girl cheetah? I am pretty and smell good too.

Bee said...

PWNED.

:)

Grimmtooth said...

At least you weren't Alexander the Great's Chief Eunuch in a past life. Or, at least, it conveys no useful skills in this frame.

Barbi said...

I agree with Bee... I think a cherry blossom tree would be lovely. Only, it's sad because I'd have to pop a cooldown to see it. Hrm.

Also, I promise our leafy green puddles of goo are Good and Healthy - just like leafy green vegetables (only you don't have to eat them!)
<3

theteddybear said...

@Barbi

Is it sad that when you said pop a CD to see it, I laughed like a bastard and said "Pop my cherry....tree form"?

Vidyala said...

I can't really complain about Alliance druid forms being too masculine. Most of them are pink. One of them looks like a Popple:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/83322288@N00/3547291524

Actually, who am I kidding? They more or less all look like Popples. ;p

Anafielle said...

I rofl'd for a long time at the lion comments. /salute <3