Thursday, September 9, 2010

Prot Warriors on Prot Pallies

First, please keep cata spoilers out of reach of children (and me).

Is it because I don’t like opening Christmas presents on Thanksgiving? Not really. What I fear is much worse. The memory of my 8th grade Christmas still lingers... I thought I was getting Nintendo 64, but I got a Santa Clause sweater instead. It scarred me for life.

Warriors are way cooler than paladins, period. If I could do it all over, I'd be a male orc fury warrior named HelloScream. I'm telling you, if I were a SM wielding fury warrior, things would be different. Echo Isles would have been reclaimed at 3.0, Whirlwind and Cleave would have gone through series of massive nerfs, and the world financial markets would have never seen the credit-induced recession. My DPS be infusing more liquidity to the system than the TARP fund.

No one does a better job of bashing on paladins than me. I take pride in that. Today, however, I feel obliged to bash on all the insecure prot warriors making fun of prot pally rotation. Why you gotta be giving them poor saps inferiority complex?

I am a ret pally... so watching the how to play priest video on youtube, I felt like a McDonald's employee sitting in a particle physics lecture. double u tee eff.

Now, prot warriors busting on prot pally rotation is like a Taco Bell employee making fun of McDonald's employee: LOLOL your auto fry timer is so faceroll. L2 think outside the buns you nubs!

GTFO. Prot pally rotation is lulz easy and prot warrior rotation is stupid easy. They're both ridiculously easy. If you find that prot warrior mechanic is even remotely close to anything having the slightest nuance of "difficult" or "challenging", you aren't qualified to be a tank. Go roll a retpally.

What are you doing "thinking" about your rotation anyways? It should be like breathing. Do you sit there consciously observing the intricacies of inhale/exhale mechanics? It should just float off your finger tips while you tend to the real task: orchestrating the efforts of clueless scrubs running around flopping they arms.

Do you know what separates pro tanks from amateur tanks? Hint: It's not the rotation.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Auto follow?

Larisa had an awesome blog topic: Players I admire and players I look down on.

Players I Admire

1) Mages who top the decurse count on LDW. I don’t know which one of our three mages is doing it, but he is so fast I don’t even know I was inflicted until I parse the log. A mage undoing that many curses that fast has to be proactively looking for shit to decurse. He’s got no qualms about sacrificing his GCD for the team.

Me? I throw a tantrum when I have to rebuff Kings on brezed players. These resurrected assholes are making me burn my precious GCD on them. It's MY GCD.

When someone calls for Salv, I just feign ignorance. Again, it's MY GCD. I love me and since they're not me, I don't care.

2) Warlocks specced for Demonic Pact and hunters speced & glyphed for Improved Hunter’s Mark. These folks would rank right below Ghandi on Moslow’s Pyramid. Think about it: they are purposely gimping their dps to benefit the others… that is a fascinating concept I can’t quite grasp… our demo lock voluntarily descended to the bottom of the recount for the silly humanity. He then fed us with two fish feast and five loaves of felbread. He is Jesus.

Players I Look Down On

1) Players who are habitually late to the raid. There’s a clear distinction between being friendly and being respectful. If I throw a hissy fit because you always show up 10-15 minutes late, it’s not that I’m being unfriendly. The problem is that you’re a disrespectful asshole. It’s not that you don’t have time. The problem is that you fail at time management.

2) Players who go AFK during Freya trash. The scrub didn’t understand why we were so upset since we don't really need all 25 to clear the place. My GM ripped into him: “Auto follow? You were on auto follow? Do you know what I would do if my girlfriend had me on auto follow? I would kill her by standing at the edge of the water and turning until her head is completely submerged. Auto follow? Fucking auto follow?”

3) Back-seat raid leaders. These people are hilarious. Tell me if this sounds familiar: It’s 3rd and 5. You’re trailing by 6 with 2 minutes left. You’re running no-huddle offense. The QB calls out the play: Red 39 Z-fly Go! The tight end interrupts him with an audible “No no that’s stupid! Power I power I.” The right tackle won’t even settle down “No, I’m reading John Madden StratFu right now. It says… wait… give me a minute.”