Tuesday, July 27, 2010

For the Horde

Pugging Pally did an allegiance survey. Although the sample size wasn't big enough to warrant definitive conclusions, I can't believe there are so many Alliances.

I play Alliance only because the best guild on guildland happens to be Alliance. I wanna be Horde so bad I'm seriously considereing financing the faction transfer for the entire guild.
To me, humans of Stormwind are central to Alliance creed and culture. They paint the picture of Western Christian military orders endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church around 12th century. Blizzard did ctrl+h to replace all reference to God with the Light. They also replaced Knights Templar spooning on horseback with Pallies bubble hearthing.

How am I supposed to draw any sense of pride or allegiance from this?

The Alliance battle cry--I guess the heroism sound effect?-- sounds to me like the cheers of teary-eyed teenagers swearing abstinence till marriage at Amy Grant concert.

The Horde battle cry starts with sick Double Bass War Drum solo and deafning vuvuzela. It ends with ah-woo ah-woo, the correct answer to King Leonidas' question: "Spartans, what is your profession?"


Dear King Slayers who knocked on Pike of the Shattered Sun:

I think people walking around with King Slayer is as annoying as people who put MBA on their business card. Take it off. Nobody cares about your lulz degree from some 2nd-rate business school.


Jong Hellscream, MBA
VP of Ah-Woo Ah-Woo


Elladrion said...

The epicness of this post is beyond words, Jong, my blood runs hot from this. I think I'll do tonight's raid standing and shirtless, just to make sure we one-shot some hardmodes.

Lok'tar Ogar!

River said...

Yeah I played horde for many years, and I am glad to be back home with them.

Any way the only decent Alliance hairstyle is that Wrynn lookalike one. The rest are crap. Come back to the Horde.

Bee said...

"The Alliance battle cry--I guess the heroism sound effect?-- sounds to me like the cheers of teary-eyed teenagers swearing abstinence till marriage at Amy Grant concert."

You are my favorite.


I know a guy who got his MBA from the University of Phoenix, not located in Phoenix, AZ. He did a stint in insurance sales and is now selling woman's shoes at the mall. I wish I were kidding.

Kimberly said...

omg...you invoked the image of King Leonidas.

I need a shower.

Blood & Thunder, baby!

Markco said...

hahaha I busted out laughing at the heroism comment.

Hey, why haven't you written an article on how you make gold for the blogging carnival at JMTC on august 2nd? Time's running out and there are already over two dozen sites being featured.

Get on it, I really want to see what you will come up with :D

Rhidach said...

Even with belves, the Horde is still more BA! There's a reason our motto is "blood and thunder".

Also, I wore The Kingslayer for about a month, then went right back to The Seeker. Kingslayer is slowly becoming the next Jenkins.

Sprink said...

I rock the "Flame Keeper" title year round. As a fire mage, it is my duty to keep the flame.

Before that, I worked so hard to get my Shattered Sun title that I almost want to rock that again for a little while. ^_^

Vidyala said...

See, I'm really rather fond of the Alliance cheer. The first time I heard the "bloodlust" sound I about crapped myself. The next day I imitated it for the entire raid on Vent. They thought it sounded like a murloc, but it may have lost something in the translation.

p.s. I had no idea you were Alliance, you're so...unabashedly Blood Elf.