Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Just out of curiosity, I googled my real name, and the real me came up #7 on the search result. WTF, I thought, why aren't I #1? Then I remembered this wasn't recount.

I'm a huge proponent of RealID. I mean, relinquishing all my online and real-life activities to commit to corpse camping that jerkface just wasn't satisfying enough. With RealID, I can stop by Bob's Sporting Goods two blocks from the jerkface's house, get me a limited Barry Bonds signature edition Louiville Slugger, and RealBash out the jerkface's RealCarWindShield.... for... you know, stealing my saronite node.

Players are angry. Not wtf-nerf-ret-pallies angry. They are I-just-canceled-my-account angry. Unfortunately, I don't think Blizzard will budge. They are crazy. Not let's-paint-the-kitchen-red crazy. Tooth-paste-sandwich crazy.

I wouldn't be surprised if Michael Morhaime distributed an internal memo that goes like this:


In 1615, Galileo Galilei was denounced to the Roman Inquisition and sentenced to the second-degree torture for proposing the heliocentric view of the solar system. Today, he is widely regarded as the Father of Modern Science.

We will be questioned, mocked, and persecuted as we pioneer this revolutionary social network concept. I assure you, however, that five centuries from now, we will have our bust sculptures displayed at GameStops and be hailed as the Daddy of MMO.

You are revolutionaries trail blazing the network paths for the masses who are clearly incapable of seeing that the earth goes around the sun and RealID is awesome.

Take pride in this project, and whenever you are in doubt, look up to the clear blue sky and call my name: I'll be there.

Press on, Heroes.

Michael the Trail Blazer

While they're at this facebook idea, they should also consider the eHarmoy concept. Automatically match women up with creepos lacking social graces based on the patented 29 Dimensions of Compatibility, including Emotional Temperament, Cognitive Mode, Faction Preference, and Passive Buffs.


Stoice said...

hehe, Jong is Back. Great post.

And in hard times rmb, he is up there...

Angelya said...

Seriously, don't joke about the eHarmony thing. After this week, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

Morhaime the Magnificent made me giggle, thanks :)

Sassafras said...

I think I love you.

elvendude said...

If you only *think* you love Jong, you need to read more of the blog. /nod

/me offers to have Jong's lovechild

Antigen said...

You know, Jong, I think players are using this whole "RealID is an invasion of my privacy" thing to hide their overwhelming "wtf-nerf-ret pallies" anger.

And don't knock my Colgate and Ham Sandwich until you've had one.

BBB said...

Damn, I love ya. unfortunately, I can't associate with someone that is only #7. I, of course, Google myself and am not just #1, but two and three as well. I am just that f'cken leet. It's cause I've got a Ret Pally AND a Feral Druid. You gotta step up your game, man.

Shamrockgirl said...

so, out of curiosity i googled my own name and i didn't even come in on the first 3 pages... a bit depressing but i don't use my real name much online... even my facebook profile is under a nickname so i guess it isn't really surprising. of course to put things in perspective, i googled my shaman's name and she is second.


the real id thing doesn't really bother me all that much. i have always been more interested in reading people's blogs vs. sorting through all the crap in the forums anyways. and i am pretty sure i have never actually posted on the forums anyways, so the effect this will have on me is pretty low. said...

The best part of RealID... I still get to corpse camp noobs... Just now in RL, and without a $15/month fee!

I feel sorry for people tracking me down via Google. There are 1/2 dozen Gnomeaggedon@IRL that will get firebombed before they find me.

It will be...
/cast Living Bomb
/cast Invisibility
/y cackle

wow gold said...

Real ID is a good thing for me, a way to locate my enemies and hunt them down in real life, lol :D Blizzard is inviting a real life chaos.

Bee said...

"While they're at this facebook idea, they should also consider the eHarmony concept."

River said...

@Bee - I hear John Mayer uses Date craft.

@ Everyone else - Blizzard backed down, which upsets me. I was going to hunt you all down, and lick your faces, and run away. said...

Of course they backed down...

When they saw the shirt buttons flying around the world as people followed the Superfly principles of Boss destruction, then knew their end was near.

I think they might have also run out of colgate for their sanga's and couldn't get out of their sieged offices

Shamrockgirl said...

Damn! i really wanted riv to lick my face!