Wednesday, June 9, 2010

water

I was walking back to my apartment from a local sports bar (GO Celtics). Rapidly forming storm clouds signaled an impending down pour, but I didn’t scurry, because I’m cowboy like that.

I was thoroughly drenched. I didn’t care; I’ll just take a hot shower and fix me up hot plate of fetucini alfredo. Some red wine and some Kelly Clarkson. Good to go.

A memo from the management office ruined my elaborate (and infinitely manly) evening plans:

Dear Resident,

The crew running the ground construction next to our building accidently decapitated the main water pipe with a fork crane. No water for you.

Luckily for all of us, this is merely a real-life scenario that only resulted in abruptly cutting off the water supply to hundreds of innocent people at the most inopportune time. If this were the World of Warcraft—god forbid—such carelessness would have surely resulted in a disastrous raid wipe.

Thanks

This posed a serious problem. You see, I hate not getting cleaned up when I wanna get cleaned up. So, I took a “shower” with Lemon-scented Clorox Disinfectant Wipes. In the absence of running water, the extremely potent multi-purpose house cleaning chemical agents felt as good on my skin as baby wipes—except it stung really badly. It was all worth it: cleanliness is next to awesomeness.

Maybe it was the Clorox slowly seeping through my blood stream, but I was absolutely livid at the befuddled inadequate reject that brought this upon me. I have zero tolerance for other people’s incompetence (my generosity for my own incompetence is like Budah). NOT severing the concrete pipe with a fork crane is EASY. Here’s how you do it:

Step 1) Hop on the crane.
Step 2) Don’t sever the water pipe.

See? And I’m not even a certified operator.

Mom told me to count to ten whenever I find myself getting riled up, but that never works. I’m an efficient multi-tasker, which means I can count to ten and be pissed off at the same.
============

EDIT: I took out the bits on politics, because 1) I agree with shamerockgirl and 2) making a political statement on a wow blog is as appropriate as making a political statment at the dinner table on a first date.

5 comments:

Shamrockgirl said...

you would think they would learn the water pipe thing on day one... and if they do not get it right ... FAIL!!

and Oil is not political, it is american - everyone uses it... i am pretty conservative and just as pissed off as you. It definitely gives me the desire for a valid alternative though.

barefoot wanderer said...

"Mom told me to count to ten whenever I find myself getting riled up, but that never works. I’m an efficient multi-tasker, which means I can count to ten and be pissed off at the same."

I want that on a t-shirt, a mug and my email signature plz.

Grimmtooth said...

I don't think Sarah works at BP, but I know some people that know some people over there, so I'll see if they can help.

I didn't realize Kelly went with red wine. Shows what an uncultured lout I am, I suppose. Well, at least I still buy my gin in glass bottles.

River said...

We need to bring back walking the plank for those scurvious dogs at BP...Arrrggh matey

Bee said...

One time I had to explain to my roommate the difference between Clorox wipes and Cottonelle wipes. (http://www.cottonelle.com/product_wipes.aspx)

Worst part... she never chipped in money for either.

BTW, so happy to see you back *Squee* :)