Wednesday, June 30, 2010

the gnome casting animation

If you think about it, DPS, as in "LF 2 DPS ICC10" doesn't make any sense. I wonder how it got stuck.

"LF 2 DPS 2 TPS and 1 HPS, preferrably shaman PST"

"Dude, why are you looking for TPS and HPS? Don't you mean 2 Tanks and 1 Healer?"

"Yeah. TPS and HPS are units of measurement. It's not a person or a thing."

"What a nub. I bet he calls his car MPH and his microwave GHz."

"Maybe he meant he's Looking for Threat just like Johnny Lee was Looking for Love."
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Sometime ago, I decided I want a caster dps.

So I rolled a lock. As I was rounding up the last series of quests in Dunmorg, I was struck with pangs of sadness-- I realized that my lvl 14 warlock has more offensive buttons than my lvl 80 ret pally. I know locks are pure dps and paladins are distilled diluted dps, but still.

Warlock is fun. It's all the dot dot dot dot set it and forget it Ron Popeil Showtime Rotisserie I expected it to be.

Here's why I don't wanna be a warlock though: Blizzard loves mages way more than they love warlocks. I think they feel that warlock dps has to be snubed because of its extremely powerful PvP utility spells. It's just a guess, but I'm sure there are many PvE warlocks who'd gladly trade in Howl of Terror, Fear, and Death Coil for a dps buff.

... Crap. I wanna talk about my mage now, but I don't know how to segueway into it.

Gnomes have the best casting animation. Throw your hands in the air! But your hands only come up to your ears!

I piss my pants when I see caster mobs, because I can't wait to counterspell them. I've gotten good with CS, but I'm still working on Frost Nova (I don't know how to time it, so I keep casting it when nobody's around. Every time I do that, I hear judgemental crickets chirping bro, why u trippin bro?) and Blink (Each time I blink, I have to zoom out and scan my camera angle cause I don't know where I am).

I'm only lvl 42, but I'm already worried about terrible things that'll happen when I hit 80.

The Council of Elron bestowed the burden of ring bearing to Elijah Wood and the burden of porting to mages. I get that. I accept the power and the responsibilities. But, how am I to handle 5000 scrubs soliciting unwanted whispers? can you port me to dal? are you happy with your current long distance carrier? can you port me to dal? I'm telling you right now, that's going to drive me absolutely fooking nuts.
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I like sitting in one zone to finish all the quests. I don't like hopping around.

I finally decided to leave STV and check out Dust Wallow Marsh, because the quest givers would not leave me alone about Tabetha. Go speak with Tabetha. Have you spoke to Tabetha? Dude. Bro. Go see Tabetha. Oh btw, you need to speak to Tabetha.

7 comments:

Nanuki said...

This is one of the funniest posts I've read for months :D

Ritchie said...

"bro, why u trippin bro?" is absolute classic Jong, puts a smile on my face every time.

River said...

Take it from a old wizened mage like myself, see the port tells as a money making opportunity.

they ask me, "Can I get portz"

I go, "Why yes you may kind customer for the low fee 15g"

Their reply,"15g??? y so much??"

I go, "cause you just asked the stretch limosine of mages, if you don't want it call a cab, or enjoy the walk."


As for the Warlock talk, I think we both know my feelings on those nuggets, and for your information all Blizz employees play warlocks.

Dallanna said...

You do realize that the only thing better than Gnome Casting Animations is if they actually were able to make a Gnomish Paladin with said casting animations... Get it, Greg?!

gnomeaggedon.net said...

here lies the suitably witty response consumed by blogger and not shared with the world

The Mage previously know as Gnomeaggedon said...

You are looking at your Gnome from behind right?

You are missing 60% of the casting animation.

We don't just raise our hands to our ears, we also poke out our tongues, cross our eyes and let out a long raspberry.

Frost Nova will bring the joy in so many other ways...

Such as when you use it against a boss mob that you WILL pull aggro on, only to watch it laugh as it grinds you into the ground... so much for instinctive reactions.

Or against that mob you are fighting, when you are at 5% health and 10% mana. You throw down the Frost Nova to give yourself some space, only to remember you are in the middle of previously neutral, big-but-docile, mammoths... enjoy the ghost run.

Portals for some mages are an act of great importance, for others, Gnomes in particular, they are an opportunity to put that casting motion to good use.

Raid Leader asks for summon for missing raid member.

Mage casts portal to Theramore.. watch the conscientious clickers go on a ling trip.
(No one can pick the difference between Mages and Locks except for indignant Mages and Locks)

Person that couldn't be bothered grabbing food 30 seconds ago when the table was present.

Mage casts portal to Theramore, uttering under his breath

"There's a nice cafe out their in the swap...

** Eat at Tabetha's ** "
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Kimberly said...

Ohhh... I hate hate hate the Tabetha quests because nothing good (other than xp) comes from them. I always had better gear from mob drops, and it's not like she teaches you anything cool.