Friday, April 16, 2010

chocolate cake, girls, and submarines

My last hello post didn't make any sense. Why didn't anyone say hey dude this post doesn't make any sense? I'm starting to think you don't care. You don't EVEN CARE.

It's now time for Jong's Best of Spring 2010.

The Best Airport: DFW International. It's gigantic, but you can go from here to there on a skylink bullet train in no time. The computer lady who announces "the next stop is concourse B" sounds like the girl from Tankspot. I heard Ari has that soothing nerdy voice too.

The Best Country from Down Under: New Zealand. I used to think NZ was worthless, but now I love it, because it's Gnomeaggedon's homeland.

The Best Steak House Dessert: Smith & Wollensky's Drunken Donuts. I like it. Girls don't like it, because they don't like getting sugary powder all over their face. Their favorite seems to be Morton's Godiva chocolate cake; they'll take pictures of the cake from 20 different angles to upload on their facebook, and then only eat three bites.

....I have to digress here, because I really have to ask: why do girls go to the bathroom together? "Cathy, let's go to the bathroom!" "Okay!" They're all giggly about it too.

Why?

I'm thinking the toilet in girl's room operate like the nuclear torpedo launcher in Hunt For Red October: two people have to sit on it and synchronize the encrypted keys to flush it.

Let's say Darraxus and I happen to be dining at a swanky steakhouse with our dates. If I get up, walk up to him, and say "hey buddy, let's go to the bathroom" as I reach out my hand for his, what do you think his reaction will be?

A) Okay! tee hee hee hee hee

B) Why should I go with you? I'm not a "friendly helpful stupid social" who leveled to Grand Master Pissing to carry the M&S.

C) /cast [target=jong] Neck Punch (Rank 4)

It's probably C. I'll accept B. If it's A, I'll punch him in the neck and never talk to him again.

18 comments:

/Moar Alts said...

We care a lot!!

Re: girls and bathrooms - to gossip.... and share make up. Not something that I assume Daraxxus and you would need to do... but I'm willing to stand corrected?

Lovely to see you back Jong - missed reading your randomness!

Bell said...

The bathroom is where we do all our planning.

Planning for what?

You'll never see it coming.

Monsieur said...

Spotting the rare new Jong posts is my new hobby, feels kinda like birdwatching(only fun).

Arioch said...

I was recently told my voice sounds innocent. >.>

And for the record, I don't need assistance in the restroom. Women always complain that the line takes forever. Of course it does! You brought the whole fucking herd with you!

gnomeaggedon.net said...

The Kiwis are Coming!
The Kiwis are Coming!

Run for the hills...

Always good when the small corporation takes over the multinational... I'm sure I not alone in thinking there are many things better about the NZ govt than the Oz one

WTS: Australian Communications Minister

I guess I should be worried that he might read this... but I'm not sure if he has heard of the Internet yet, let alone know how to use it.

Ablimoth said...

You can't like New Zealand more than Australia. It's simply un-Australian. We can't allow that down here!

As an official representative of the nation of Australia, I hereby ban you from all Australian territories and properties for the crime of being un-Australian.

I gave you the light penalty...

Vulpina said...

It's not that we don't care. It's that we're so desperate for posts from you that it doesn't matter.

And btw, this one totally makes sense and made me lol, so DON'T TAKE IT DOWN PLS!

:D :D :D

And we all go to the bathroom together so we can have a lesbian quickie in the handicap stall. So there. Now you know.

Nate said...

O----M----G Jong your back man! Its nice to see youll be bloggen with us still but not as often, just thought i drop by ad share the love, Also check out my blog http://themisadventuresofreeloy.blogspot.com/

Hana said...

How do donuts get drunk? :O

Ophelie said...

If guys knew what goes on when girls go to the bathroom together, guys would suddenly all want to go to the bathroom together too.

Buboe said...

I'd also like to ban you from Australia.
But I'm afraid that your PVP skillz are too great for Customs.
So instead I would like to see your Gnomeaggedon and raise you a Pugnacious Priest

Hagendor said...

Don't worry about those other folk Jong, New Zealand will welcome you with open arms!

River said...

I have visions of womens bathrooms where they take their tops off, and examine each others breasts.

Though I could be offbase.

Glad to see your back, I felt like a stalker...is he back yet? is he back yet?

As for desserts I like a bottle of Jack Daniels. It goes with anything

HP said...

I think girls go to the bathroom together because we like to gossip together in the sanctity of the bathroom. Remember how in elementary, the girls' bathroom was off limits from the boys? I think it's something like that.

I have no problem going to the bathroom alone but it's because I'm really fast.

However, out in public, you want someone to talk to while waiting on the (usually) long lines for the bathrooms.

Ixobelle said...

IM A GIRL IRL, I JUST SOUND HUSKY ON VENT, K?

And when we go to the bathroom, we're playing with our dillut-dilluts.

(note* I once emptied a whole box of my mom's tampax into the bathtub, and she cam ein to find me dragging them around in the tub by the string like little tugboats, saying 'DILLUT DILLUT DILLUT' over and over. It seemed like the logical noise a tampax tugboat would make. I was like 5.)

That is all.

gnomeaggedon.net said...

Just when I was enjoying stories about the new cupboard...

sneaky bugger!

Jenn said...

Hrm. My dashboard indicates recent and I'm sure very interesting and delightful new posts, but I can't find anything after this one yet. Is there a secret code I must enter to read the new posts (JONGISKING4EVAR)?

Miss you guys, looking forward to reading the new posts somehow.

Jong said...

@Jenn

I delete posts I don't like. I end up not liking lots of'em.