Wednesday, February 10, 2010

shadowmourne and the 1st interview

As we were buffing up to make the initial pull, the GM announced, “Okay, Bobby and Sammy are the two winners of the Shadowmourne Raffle! Grats guys.”

Uhm….what? What raffle?

I checked the guild forum in a panic, and apparently, there was an epic thread entitled “The Official Shadowmourne Raffle” that’s been going on for two weeks.

When I flip open a Yoplait carton and see Please Try Again message, I just think, oh, Yoplait is having a contest I’m not aware of and I couldn’t care less. I can’t say the same about missing out on this one.

There were five viable candidates, but the two winners won the raffle uncontested. The DK deferred his entry, because he can’t make all the raids for the next few weeks. The other ret pally is a really selfless guy and he passed the prized loot to others. I just had no clue. I’m sitting here licking off blue berry yogurt off the aluminum foil.

Since my company blew up last November, I’ve been living the dreams. Last week, I decided drinking single malt scotch and playing wow all day is totally overrated.

I’ve been busy interviewing lately.

My pup Sandy can sense stuff real good. He knows whether you are scared of him or you like him. You cannot let him zone in on your weakness. I explain to house visitors that dogs are pack animals and packing order (I’m the Alpha Jong, which means I’m the only one allowed to hump cushions in this household) is important to them; you’ve got to establish your position firmly without pissing him off. Otherwise, he’ll cast decimate and chop your legs off, kk?... what a vague and ambiguous pitbull survival guide.

Interviewers will sense out weakness within 12 seconds. I can’t let them do that, because then they’ll fire at will. I’ve got to go in there and respectfully instill fear in their hearts. The fear of backfiring—what if I ask this question, he delivers with flying colors, then asks a follow-up question that I can’t answer and I’ll look stupid? I’ve got to make them put their guards up and hesitate throwing bomb right hooks.

Interview #1

In my hotel room, 25 minutes to the show. The company lobby is just across the street.

I stood before the mirror and addressed the Mont Blanc pen cap peering atop the shirt pocket one last time:

“What did Mufasa say to Simba? Remember who you are. You are Jong, the illest ret pally they never known. You’ve read every economic commentary from every investment bank. You’ve dog-eared their 150-page 10k filing. You can recite the attack power coefficient for judgment seal procs. Eye of the fucking tiger. Let’s DO THIS.”

Just as I bent down do apply one final buff to my shoe, I heard the ominous thunderous rip. RIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!

My pants.

It was ripped, and I’m not talking about just a little bit. The seam was busted open from the waist line all the way down to my crotch. I turned to assess the damage in the mirror and the red and yellow sunflowers on my boxer were waving hi at me.

I thought about calling in to cancel the interview, but what I do say? I regret to inform you that I won’t be able to make the appointment today unless you consider Adidas sweat pants and wing tip shoes appropriate business attire.

I decided to wing it.

I’ll just pretend it’s one of those disguise quests—I can interact freely as long as I don’t let anyone see my behind. I’ll stand with buttcheeks firmly clinched and if my cover is ever compromised, I’ll act really surprised: holy crap! how THAT happen?

It was a 5-hour interview and I never got up. I’ll tell you about interview #2 later.

Making bad decision is bad, but making no decision is worse. Your pants are ripped and you just happen to be wearing an underwear that cannot be taken seriously in any former business setting. What course of action would you have taken if you had 15 minutes to execute whatever plan you came up with?

The Bossy Spoon and the Giant Pally compiled a pally blog list. I'm offended that this classy & elegant blog is in the same category as Antigen's blog (pronounced an-TEE-gen).


Lokkni said...

Amazing and good luck. Doing the interview shuffle myself now as the Bank I am working at is in the process of being taken over by the Fed. Good times.

Mfer said...

Fucking awesome. So not a single person caught you?

Also, get a re-count on the Shadowmourne raffle... Jong NEEDS it, obviously.

Antigen said...

I'm sure you did great, man. If the course of the interview goes south, remember:

'Maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire you... "Come on Jong, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait; fruit on the bottom, hope on top.'

HP said...

I hope no one noticed your underwear at the interview =X

Or maybe they did and it gave you +rep? =P

Arioch said...

And this is why reading guild websites is so important. =P

"Making bad decision is bad, but making no decision is worse."

Words to live by. Sometimes when I'm raid leading I don't know exactly what to do in a situation, but I make a call and we go for it. If it doesn't work, we can fix it next time. But no one wants to sit around while I waffle on making a decision.

Hana said...

Attitude covers for a lot. Obviously if anyone saw you they were too intimidated to bring it to your attention. :)

Good luck with the job.

Ophelie said...

Hey, I could have lumped you in with Snottydin.

The key to mistimed pant rips is to always have duct tape on hand. Actually, the key to most things is to always have duct tape on hand.

Good luck with the job!

Anea said...

Very interested to hear about interview #2.

I'm not sure that I would have been able to brazen that out, if it happened to me...

Antigen said...

OH no you di int!

Monsieur said...

Omg, American investment banker :o!!! And just like that, Jong was turned from a part of the raid to a trashmob in the Goldman dungeon :)

Christina said...

Safety pins &/or emergency sewing kit are available in most convenience stores. Office tape, strapping tape, and duct tape are also useful in a pinch.

Good luck :)

gnomeaggedon said...

Damn, I didn't think to look in my panty drawer... Explains your absence, I am usually 1/2 late for work after collapsing upon opening that drawer.

I'm guess the reason you ripped your pants was you lost all your tailored ones during the GFC?

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.