Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tamarind is a LIAR

An excerpt from the Mighty Righteous Orbs:

Lady Deathwhisper I have no clue about whatsoever. The other thing the fight brought home to me was this: DPS Get Bad Press. There’s too much talk about interchangeable DPS, or stupid DPS, or DPS just not being as important or necessary as tanks and healers. Bullshit. In that fight, I stood at the back in my sissy room and cast flash heal and prayer of mending (everybody was generally too spread out for AoE heals to be very effective) and that was it. A monkey could have done it, assuming you programmed my flash heal button to give him a banana, or an orgasm, every time he cast it. The DPS, by contrast, were changing targets, running around, controlling adds, co-ordinating attacks on the shield – and I was so bloody glad I didn’t have their job.

Ditto Deathbringer Saurfang.

Ok, I’m confused. He’s saying healing is easy, but Gordon is saying healing is hard.

This can only mean one of three things:

1) Tamarind is a liar

2) Gordon is a liar

3) They are both telling the truth according to their paradigm-- hard is a relative term. Pro healers find it monkey easy and are completely secure about dismissing its challenges. Insecure amateurs are so traumatized by the pressure of healing that they feel inspired to prove their worth and give inferiority complex to dps.

EDIT: I tried raid healing once and the stress was unbearable. Fortunately, I failed in such thoroughly convincing way that no one will ever ask me to do it again. I'm a scrub healer and just like all other scrub healers, I think healing is hard.

What Tamarind is doing is actually an advanced epeening technique I invented a few years back: calling your job easy makes those who find it hard look like nubs.

You wanna get into an electronic pissing match? I’ll see your ape-operated healbot and raise you THIS:

Those who claim to faceroll ret pally dps are scrubs. Rigorous physical contact with the keyboard is entirely unnecessary, especially not in repetition.

I sustain my dps by just looking at the keyboard. The keyboard’s not even plugged in, but it’s there so I can rest my cigarettes on it. When the raid leader calls for burst dps, I take my shirt off.

What’s up now?


*vlad* said...

Adds on Saufang are a piece of piss.
Nuke them until they get close, then use some CC on them (I know, a lot of people struggle with the concept of actually having to use their characters for something other than dps). Now nuke them some more. Switch targets.

Anyway, it's obvious that ranged dps is so much harder than melee. All melee do is stand in one spot and press buttons 1 to 4 until the boss falls down. Even my granny can do that. Piss easy. Ranged have to run left and right now and again.

Miss Medicina said...

Jong, what do you do when the raid leader calls for MOAR DOTS?

... On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.

Fuubaar said...

Pictures of you topping the charts or it didn't happen. And I'm not talking about what's on your computer ;)

Supernose said...

Amazingly disturbing, but hilarious at the same time. I've been thinking about dropping my Prot spec for ret, but everytime I've done it, it really does just seem boring to me.

Oh well, maybe I'll get over it.

-Sady of Flash of Sadysm

Vailladin said...

I am not sure of the level of sarcasm here being a new reader to your blog (if any). I think what Tamarind is trying to say is, healing Lady Deathwhisper is a lot easier than having to be DPS in that fight. That fight is a Skill and awareness check for DPS. IF they can’t switch adds and put up huge #'s on Deathwhisper before enrage then it’s a fail. As a healer if you are geared for ICC you should have no problem healing that fight as long as the DPS are doing everything exactly as they need to do.

Miss Medicina said...


Welcome to Jong's world :)

His sarcasm and hilarity are world renowned. I think what Jong is saying here, in so many words, is that he would like to have a Jongarind baby next time the RL calls for burst dps.

Vailladin said...

Lol ok got ya !

River said...

I think I speak for all the mages. We spit on Ret Pally DPS. We know who the real dps'ers are.

I don't even log in, and I get 3k dps.

Don't wave your peen at me!

Vulpina said...


The real DPSers? You mean the Mut rogues? :D

Khaelie said...

healing is easy.

i would like a picture of Jong's DPS with his shirt off...

and all these peens waving about... um, yeah, i gotta go.


Sassafras said...

I demand photos!

Thank you, that is all.

Sprink said...

Pics of keyboard cigarette holder and shirtless dps or it didn't happen.

Also, I thought about healing on my baby pally once. I was so traumatized I had to run someone's lowbie through Ragefire to get my confidence back.

Arioch said...

In response to your edit... if this is the situation you were referring to: http://dpspaladin.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-proudest-moment.html

you didn't fail.

Now if you've tried healing since that, I want all the juicy, painful details. And agree with aforementioned request for pictures.

Vulpina said...

And yes SS or it didn't happen!

... I mean... pics!

River said...

@Vulpina - Mut rogues...pffft I fart in your general direction.

Hana said...

Having tanked, dps-ed, and healed in raids I think it depends on the fight and how often you do your role for that particular boss. If you're used to something it's easy. If you're not it's hard.

Also I'm wondering, is Jong the next Saurfang/Chuck Norris? Will we be hearing how he doesn't get wet but water gets Jong-ed?

Becky said...

I'm pretty sure these are the pictures everyone is asking about.

Shirtless DPS

Computer screen con Cigarettes

BTW, with it being the new year and all, a time of resolutions, maybe you should think about quitting? Even though I would never say you were a smoker based on your physique.

Joe said...

I don't get bored healing Deathwhisper because I get to amuse myself with stunning the MC and taunting Deformed Fanatics.

40yard judgements and healer taunts are made of win. Pull!

Dougan said...

gold gold gold gold gold gold


gnomeaggedon said...


Sometimes I have to swap targets.. like in VoA, they expect me to swap from one big mob to another big mob!

Not going to happen!

HEALING is Hardmode!

Squidly Healz nub DPS

I had to buy a touch screen monitor.
I had to buy a playful kitten.
I have to keep the kitten happy and playful so it will press the Healbot buttons when they start changing color.
She gets bored really quickly...

Then I get her to write my blog posts.

Here kitty kitty... Daddy wants two Emblems of Frost...

I wonder if she will last through the weekly raid...

gnomeaggedon said...


I have a mate that plays WoW under those conditions (Computer screen con Cigarettes)...

Even when there is a PC shortage at a LAN, for some reason no one wants to use his PC...

Well, there are other reasons, but that is usually enough to scare away people that don't know any more.

Supernose said...

That picture kinda makes me wanna puke.

-Sady of Flash of Sadysm

HP said...

It depends on your raid comp/strat but I find that you can basically FoL the entire fight with the occasional HL or HS. Just need to position right and be aware of who is tanking along with who has debuff.

Deathwhisper is more heal intensive I feel as the fight can be more hectic due to the adds, MC-ing, ghosts and green aoe shit on the ground. I have to be much more mobile than the Saurfang fight and put out more healing.

Anonymous said...

You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view