Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Shoveltusk

"Third eye blind."


Hi guys.

There's been some good reads and heated opinions on various WoW topics like:

Tanks/Healers vs DPS
Gearscore/Elitist Group type baddons
Dungeon Finder and who is carrying who

I'd love to chime in on some of these discussions and call everyone noobs, but I'm putting my focus on finishing this last week of Season 7 strong.

Go play somewhere, mommy's busy.

Not to mention I already spoke my piece of what I think of tanks and healers a looooong time ago on my retired blog. I got flamed alot for it, but I still stand by it---tanks are primadonnas and healers are pussies.

Have fun flaming each other without me. Just one protip while j00 get ur debatez on---try and see things as they are, try and see things as they should be, and then try and see how the 2 can be reconciled.


Once upon a time, there was a Duke who was declared ruler of Westguard Keep. He was to leave his place in Stormwind and travel to Northrend to take up his new position. He had been there once before to monitor a stage of the building project and was happy to move.

In the months of planning for this journey, he decided he wanted to finally get married and bring his wife with him on this fresh start. He began looking for prospects.

The city Tailor at that time had 3 beautiful daughters. One was a Mage, one was a Priest, and one was a Warlock. The Tailor presented all 3 to the Duke one day in hopes that fortune might smile on one of them with such a secure future.

The Duke admired their beauty, but knew that a partner in life should also be intelligent. So he told them that he would make his decision based on how they responded to a small test. The test was this story:

"One day while I was out in Howling Fjord with 3 of my close advisers, we came upon a Hunter who had just successfully trapped a Shoveltusk.

He was about to lay the killing blow, but I stopped him and ordered him to go away. I turned to my advisers and said, 'There is a beast here called a Shoveltusk---which of you can offer me its true definition?'

Now my 3 advisers were very smart and long trusted---but they were also physically blind from birth. Each of them grabbed onto a different part of the Shoveltusk.

The one who grabbed onto the tail said, 'The Shoveltusk is a beast that is thin, wiry and flexible---almost like a whip.'

The one who grabbed onto the mane said, 'The Shoveltusk is a beast that is furry, the hair is coarse and weathered---almost like a rug.'

The one who grabbed onto the tusk said, 'The Shoveltusk is a beast that is hard and rigid---almost like a bone.'"

After he finished his story, he asked the 3 daughters which person in the tale was the most wise and true?

The eldest daughter, the Mage, spoke up first.

"The wisest and most true was the 3rd adviser, who grabbed onto the tusk. While it is true that the beast does have a tail and a mane, its namesake, Shoveltusk, takes after the tusk itself which satisfies a true definition", she answered.

The next daughter, the Priest, spoke up second.

"This is a trick question and a very clever one. The wisest and most true is in fact none of the 3 advisers at all. They are blind and cannot see the whole picture---they can only grasp a single part of the Shoveltusk.

The one in this story who can see the whole picture is the Duke himself, who is standing back and looking at the advisers foolishly trying to cling onto the truth," she answered.

Then everyone looked to the youngest daughter, the Warlock. She had a terrible scowl on her face. Finally she spoke:

"This is indeed a trick question, but it is not clever at all. In fact it is quite stupid. None of the 3 advisers nor the Duke himself are the wisest and most true---in fact they are all stupid, with the Duke being in most error. The Duke prevented the Hunter in the story from claiming his hunt just to waste time with superficial nonsense.

In this case, the Hunter was the wisest and most true---had he been allowed to continue, the meat from the Shoveltusk could have fed his family and friends. The fur could have been turned into clothing to protect his family and friends from the cold. The bones could have been made into new hunting tools to teach his family and friends to hunt as he does, ensuring their future prosperity.

The Hunter had the true definition all along, but you didn't even ask him. Idiot.

The Tailor was horrified as his youngest daughter had just called the Duke an idiot.

"Oh, one more thing," said Braids. "If I were there, I would have killed you and your advisers on the spot."


Ben said...

Hilarious as usual :-) You forgot the Immolate + Conflagrate + Chaos Bolt = Dead Dumb Duke though.

Vailladin said...

Thank you for not beating a dead Shoveltusk and giving us something entertaining and fun to read!

gnomeaggedon said...

Damn, I was sure it was going to be the daughter with the biggest boobs!

GigaWatts said...

"Tanks are primadonnas and healers are pussies"..... I am what I eat...

Khraden, lvl 80 HOLY Paladin.

Hydra said...

Good luck this last week of the season!

I miss Braids but love the glimpse you still give us.

Ixobelle said...

brb gonna delete my blog. it's not worthy of wasting space on your internets.


Taemojitsu said...

Lies and slander. Everyone knows that mages are the most intelligent class. They even give out intellect buffs, after all.

What do the players of WoW feel is the most valuable part of the game that justifies being able to play it? Of course, this is a rhetorical question as the answers can be found daily in countless forum and blog posts.