From
Part 1...
I'll hire all my sexy readers. All of you. Your job is to sit there, eat bon bons, and play wow with me.I’d like to expand on this a bit.
1) We’ll be a pretty big guild and there will be NO drama. People who get into drama will have their penis decapitated with a rusty spoon dirka dirka Muhammad Jihad style.
2) Everyone one of us will be a brick in a brick house. If we throw individual bricks at Yogg, he’ll laugh. But, if we stack them bricks and build a huge-ass brick house and drop that on his face, it hurts. We execute as one unit and we do whatever the raid leader tells us to do. If the rl calls for field goal on 1st & 10, we kick the field goal. Anyone who says things like “that’s dumb” or “why don’t we try…” or anything like that… dirka dirka Muhammad.
3) I don’t wanna be the raid leader or the GM. I don’t wanna deal with formulating strategies, raid composition, or any other administrative stuff. I’m a lazy deeps and I just kill skull.
For GM role, I’d appoint someone with proven track record of leading a big guild through end-game contents.
Matticus comes to mind. The only thing about Matt is that he looks like a big wobbly teddy bear and I’m skeptical whether he can instill fear in people’s hearts. During ready checks, I need someone to yell out stuff like “on my command, unleash hell”, and you can’t do that in Barney’s voice.
I want a solid range dps to be the raid leader, this is because range dps has visuals on the entier raid movement/positioning and has much higher margin of error than those of tanks/healers.
4) All gems and enchants will be guild-provided. So, I’ll hire Gevlon as the guild gold fund manager. He says stupid things and pisses me off, but his investment acumen and market discipline is legit.
5) I’d hire
Averna and
Ferraro, just so Averna can have the first set of legendary fragments.
6)
Slayton,
Markco (he runs JMTC),
Hana, and
Rafa will be required to form a 5v5 arena team with me and carry me through 1800+ rating. I want the furious mace. All other ret pallies have furious mace and they don’t let me join in the reindeer games. It’s bullshit.
Antigent will be required to put his furious mace in the bank and run around with something like
Sonic Spear until I get my mace. It’s not that I’m bad at PvP. It’s just that I treat everything like UK trash. I do insane dps, but I only excel at dpsing down stationary targets that don’t sheep and stun me. I also operate on an “agro table”--I just go after whoever pisses me off the most.
7) On our off nights, I’d like to take the Elite Paladin Rangers to try
all-pally 10-man ulduar hard modes.
MT:
Akroma--We’re gonna make her believe in herself. It’ll be so entertaining.
OT:
Stoico (Raid Assist)-- He’s got lots of hard mode experiences and I need someone to fraps the fights so I can send the videos to my mom.
DPS: Antigen,
Alex,
Firespirit,
Rex, Jong. Ret pallies are extremely territorial. That means I better not find your pubic hair stuck on my toilet and I’m not getting outdps’ed by another ret pally. You better bring everything you got, because I’m busting out my yoga mat and Zig Ziglar audio book. The last person on recount will be demoted to range dps status, which means you’ll be assigned to Mimi’s head in phase 4 and Crusher Tenacles in Yogg.
Healers:
Lance, Rafa,
HP (Raid Leader). Omg this is a sick healing group.
8) Of course I want mages. I want 3 mages in the raid so we can play portal roulette. Dirka dirka jihad for any mage that gets outdps'ed by a ret pally on single-target fights.
9) I want 3 warlocks too. Any warlock that gets outdps'ed by a mage... quit wow and play DotA with me. A good friend of mine plays warlock. He wispers, "Jong step out with me for a sec" in the middle of the raid. I zone out of ulduar, he challenges me to a dual, and starts sucking the life out of me. I thought it was odd, because 1) he's a serious player who never goofs around during go time; and 2) I didn't know he was only trying to get reagents.... so I hammer of justice him and burst him down. He laughed and called me a nub.
10) I want two resto shamans. There's nothing like a good resto shaman. I choose
khaelie and
spaghetti.
Please synchronize blood lust with my Avenging Wrath.
11) Of course I'd hire
Darraxus and
Ixo. I need people to eat sausage egg cheese mcmuffin and drink Guiness with me at 10:30 AM without judging me.
12) Despite lacking gears,
Bell recently got into an ubber guild. I wasn't surprised, because as
Rivs' noted,
traits separate the best raiders from chumps. I'd hire
Ari without even looking at her armory. You know why? The toughest part of PvE is playing with other Players--playing aginst the Environment is easy. I'd hire anyone who's successfully led an 18-hour pug naxx and downed kel'thuzad, where people were gquitting and hearthing in the middle of the run.
13) Good interrupts wins games. We need rogues. I want two rogues, so I can outdps them and give them inferiority complex. I don't know any rogues though... yeah I do, I choose
Sideshow and
Embalmo. I don't know these guys, but given Syrana and Kim's elegant taste, I bet they are classy guys and good looking too. fyi, I'm nototious for rolling on leather with +agil & +exp.
14) hmmm... I change my mind about #13. Rogues have to earn their raid spots just like everyone else. It doesn't matter who your wife, boyfriend, or husband is. Oh, your daddy is Billy Ray Cyrus?
I DUN CARE Miley, but can you sign my poster?
15) the list keeps going... and isn't this such a creative way to link bunch of people?
The Chinese word Mao-dun, which literally translates to Spear-Shield, means self-contradicting or contradictory. The word arises from a weapons vendor who insisted that his shields were unbreakable and his spears unstoppable. The vendor was stompped when a bystander suggested to see what happens when he strikes the shield with the spear.
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