Friday, May 29, 2009

pulling posts and some other topics

I've pulled published posts partially or entirely. I do this a lot.

There are two reasons:

1) As you know, I always strive to uphold the elegance and classiness of this blog to the highest standards. Anything I deem less than prestinely elegant, I pull.

2) I've pulled posts within minutes of publishing. This is a good way to give exclusive director's cut reading materials to people who has me on RSS feed.

Effective communication skill is one of several qualities that make my gm such an excellent leader. He never yells. We act like bunch of monkeys but he somehow finds ways to command the raid’s vibe with his soothing nerdy voice. I find that admirable, because I have the leadership qualities of a watermelon. I’m so glad I’m not a momma duck. I couldn’t lead a pack of ducklings across the street. I'd lose all my babies to storm drain and I'd be sad :(


Averna’s resto druid blog is pretty cool. I thought it was going to be all technical like the inflection point at which the marginal throughput of Spell Power exceeds the fancy pants druid stuff is the second derivative of…oh gawd… /snore… but it’s really fun!

Rejuvenate. Revitalize. Innervate... Resto druid spells sound like Herbal Essence Shampoo commercial.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Don't Stop Believin'

First, hold on to your seats, cause here come the roflcopter epic thread.

WWS from tonight's run. We're heading straight to yogg tomorrow.

I'm ready and I ain't scared of him no more. I'm gonna walk into his chamber all quiet with my head down. I hope he points me out and asks me what my name is.

"Hey come here pissant. I like you. Do you have a name?"

I'll remove my helmet and turnaround to face him.

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Elite Rangers. Defender of Adriana Lima's virginity. Forgotten son of Grom Hellscream. Loyal customer of Verizon wireless. Just a small town pally livin' in a lonely world. And I will kick your fuckin face in tonight."

EDIT: we failed. but still, don't stop believing. More importantly, hold on to that feeling.

Friday, May 22, 2009

email from our friend (OOM's Megan)

Remember how I said I wanted to settle down with this belt and have some kids with it? Well, this sword is so good that I wanna divorce the belt and forfeit the child custody rights on baby belts so I can marry the sword.

If I ever get that sword, I'm gonna name it Jessica. I'm gonna socket her with hopes & dreams and enchant her with butterfly kisses. I would also drop BS and level tailoring just so I can serenade her on a magic carpet ride. A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view. This sword is that good.

Tier-2 Season 6 arena mace is also crazy good but not as quite as good as the sword. It is good enough that I would cheat on the sword and have affairs with the mace. Some say that for Dwarves (+5 expertise with mace), the pvp mace comes out slightly ahead of the pve sword.

The take away here is that arena weapons are very viable for end-game raiding.

I recently wrote a letter to the editor of the New England Journal of Medicine in response to the absurd hypothesis formulated by Dr. Alex Slovasky of U. of Michigan.

Dear Editor,

Your article covering Dr. Slovasky's theory on the affects of Y chromosome on display of exceptional motor skills under hostile environments is lawlz. Dr. Slovasky asserts that the positive correlation between the amount of testostrone secreted by adrenal glands and Season 6 arena rating is statistically significant. Tell him I said whatevers.

The precipitation of snowfall in Minnesota is also closely related to the volatility of S&P 500 Index. You know what that means, right? Yeah, nothing. Dr. Slovasky's findings are nothing more than a superious correlation. I could sit here and hurt his feelings by quoting the flagrant heteroskedasticity observed in the study's sample data, but I'll just tell him this: Megan has no facial hair and she owns in arenas. In fact, her face is baby butt smooth and she's about to get her some S6 weapon and furious libram. So sit down and go back to your country before the H-1 visa expires.

Sincerely, Jong


Look who sent me an email!

Dear Jong,

I have a question for the supafly belf Ret Pally Ranger himself. I've recently just hit 1850 with my 5v5 team on my Pally, which opens up the first tier of S6 weapons.

My role on the team is Holy Pally---meaning all I do are 2 things, 1) bitch about being Cycloned/Hexed/Sheeped which prevents me from bringing down the lightning aka Holy Shock DPS every 5sec and 2) putting up LAWLra Mastery while chugging a Redbull so I can power out 1sec Holy Lights like my name was Jong Edison.

So here's the question---do I, as a Holy Pally, say screwuguyzonmyteam and buy myself the Ret Mace of Unending Guacomole Grinding?

It's clearly the most pimp thing I've seen out of the Furious Weapons (which isn't saying much) but is actually a clear upgrade as opposed to the S6 caster mace and the stuff from PVE I use to healbot with. And it's more exciting than Furious Libram of Scientology and Slightly Used Furious Hustler Mag (Hodir Snow Bunny Edition).

Help me Jong! Confused Holy Pally with Ret spec on the side!

~ Megan

Since I don't know anything about holy gears, I'll discuss the merits of arena ret gears with respect to comparable PvE gears so she can make an informed decision.

In terms of PvE dps output, t1 s6 furious mace is as good as 25-man ignis axe, IC sword, general polearm, or 10-man hard mode xt sword. It's legit. In addition, the arena mace comes with priceless intangible value--bragging rights. Nothing says "i'm from the streets" like s6 mace. it's like them bullet holes on 50 cents' rib cage. I'm just about the best geared ret pally on the server. I stand infront of the dal bank casually stroking my electronic penis. This silly ret pally in badge/heroic gears bounces up to me boing boing. Then he whipped out the Furuious mace and one-shotted my self-esteem. My feelings were hurt, so I just went to do the cooking daily.

**t2 s6 mace is on-par with 25-man yogg mace or the hard-mode general sword aka Jessica.

I'll tell you right now, the furious libram is the very reason I started my arena career. My team mates yell at me so much. I hate getting yelled at. I'll probably end up getting my pride hurt real bad for months and never get the libram, but I'll try anyways, because the libram happens to be the BEST IN SLUT for raiding ret pallies. bar none. the libram suck fest in ulduar don't even come close.

Do you know how the lyrics to BackStreet Boyz's Quit Playing Games with My Heart were inspired? Megan linked her furious gladiator's libram on guild chat.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Art of DPS: Part 1

You’ll never see me covering the science of ret pally dps, because there are plenty of excellent resources all over the place. Plus, I have no idea what I'm talking about.

What I can share with you though, is heart. The heart of plate dps. The heart of Grom Hellscream-- this is what separates the champions from the chumps.

Do you remember this dialogue from The Waterboy?

Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.
Bobby Boucher: No, you people are drinking the wrong water.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: [singing] Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.

Coach Klein isn’t being mean. That’s inspirational coaching technique at its finest. Anger and raw hate is in fact the greatest fuel for crazy leet dps. I mean, what do you say to a waterboy coming at you in tears incoherently yelling “Gatorade is not better than water!”

Orcs have Blood Fury and trolls have Berserking. It’s not called Chill Out or Calm Down. Fury! Berserk! You’ve got to flip OUT and go ape shit. I don’t have blood fury, but I can go toe to toe with orc dk and orc arms warrior. It’s because belfs have hidden racial passive called Inferiority Complex. It procs when someone throws insensitive comments at me like, "hey dude your eye brows aren’t symmetrical today" or "man, your elbows are kinda ashy" or "nice skirt".

Before the fight, I pretend that Hodir is saying these things to me and I’ll FLIP OUT:

“My eyebrows are perfectly symmetrical and my elbows are Nivea body lotion silky sensation smooth and my skirt is breezy and nice! I’m running with Seal of Commandos and my balls are after-shower powdery dry! Your balls are all sweaty and nasty!”

Hodir be shittin down his leg: “What are you talking about dude? I didn’t say nothin man!”

Loots and progression simply isn’t inspiring enough. You’ve got to be angry. Nipples tingling with the rage of thousand suns. If you are a nice person and you have trouble dishing out raw hate, just make stuff up. Pretend that Razorscale stole your bike or something.

Monday, May 18, 2009

If I had Prince Al-Walweed's Money

I like kids. I was really bumbed out when the children's week was over and I had to part ways with my orphan.

I can't tell you how excited I was to get a permanent kid to hang out with me. I'm gonna teach him everything I know so he can be a face wrecking juggernaut like me when he grows up. He's gonna be an insane arms warrior with 2300 arena rating.
I daydream a lot. One of the recurring scenario is where I'm chillin in a champagne room of a highly exclusive nightclub in nyc inappropriately fondling Adriana Lima's boobies. Montecristo torpeto #22 on one hand, kettle one martini on the other.

The other scenario is where I'm swimming in money like Scrooge McDuck and I don't know what to do with my billions. Except I know exactly what to do with my money.

1) Buy bunch of islands east of Africa near Mauritius. Register the territory to be a country under the name of Republic of the Jong. We're gonna sign up for Olympics and stuff. London 2012, here we come!

2) Start a hedge fund to establish a permanent stream of obnoxious sums of money. There will be two funds under the management. Cowboy Giddy Up Fund (CBGF) will be proactively managed for positive alpha. I'm gonna hire the entire Elitist Jerks staff as my quantitative analysts. For Dart Throwing Monkey Fund (DTMF), I'll hire bunch of monkeys. I'll blind-fold them and have them throw darts at the financial pages of the Wall Street Journal. Whatever the monkeys pick, we buy.

3) I'll hire all my sexy readers. All of you. Your job is to sit there, eat bon bons, and play wow with me. Your salary? 250K USD plus performance-based bonus that scales with your achivement points and Attack Power. We'll raid Ulduar and run premade AVs.

4) BRK, Resto4Life, and OOM will be back. They'll be required to log 20 hours of playing time per week. They'll also be required to travel the world on a personal jet with unlimited expense accounts so they get exposed to lots of things and get ideas for lots of fun interesting blogs.

5) I'm also gonna hire a group of 5 people or so... I don't know what to call this group, but their job is to sit there and think of nice things to say to me (e.g., OMG Jong, you smell so nice today!)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Seriously? Strawberry? Screenshot or it didn't happen.

Yogg attempt flopped again, so 10 of the elite raiders went to take out Thorim & Hodir hard mode. I got me this sexy time. I politely asked a guildie to enchant it for me. Remember: you must ask politely. You can't just go up to him and say, "Hey guildie, han dao kao lau fu ching ching wong +50 Attack Power?", because then people will think you're just a silly china farmer, kk Timmy?

Hold on to your seats, cause here come the roflcopter epic pvp thread:

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Group 2 Party Chat

Yesterday, we tried daddy yogg. He bitch slapped us with pride obliterating bitch slaps. My feelings were hurt.

The GM got really mad and yelled at us. Focus, he said. So, after the raid reset, we zoned in and steam-rolled through everything supa fly dope style. The run was schick quattro smooth.

I was able to falcon punch gen vezax into submission and got me this sexy time. Two guys passed it for me and I really hope daddy yogg drops the 1000 top-end damage mace tomorrow so they get it.

I spent all my gold enchating this stuff and now my gold looks like my checking account after christmas. Have you been so broke that you can't believe it? I'm so broke I can't believe it.

The raid group 2 is the leet melee juggernaut group and we chat up throughout the run.

Comment on kilt

Post deconstructor fight discussion

Post cat lady fight discussion

Monday, May 11, 2009

Ask Jong

Are men allowed to share an umbrella?

No. If two of yous are walking down the street with one umbrella and it starts pouring, one of you is getting soaking wet. You are not allowed to cuddle up in an umbrella with another dude giggling and bumping elbows under any circumstance.

I just realized that, all along, Bruce Willis had no intention of coming back to the ship--he was only trying to trick Ben Affleck. Am I allowed to cry?

Yes. When Bruce Willis came on that NASA monitor to say goodbye, you better believe I slowly walked up to the tv with Liv Taylor so I could touch daddy's face one last time. Oh, only if I could spend my life in this sweet surrender.

I belong to the dps-is-dps school of thought. Pure, hybrid, soy, 2% fat, it's all milk. You put cereal in it and eat it. But Ghostcrawler says pure dps classes are designed to do more damage than the hybrids. Am I allowed to cry?

No. If blizzard wants to impose 5% hybrid tax, 4% state tax, or whatever arbiturary tax on your hard-earned dps, then make it up with your heart. DPS is 50% math and 50% heart. I have the heart of Jean Claude Van Damm, which gives me 15% crit and 20% armor penetration buff. No amount of systematic disparity can ever overcome your heart.


I feel very fortunate to be part of guild well-staffed with lots of talents. We're like the USC Trojans in that the strength and depth of our bench squad is just phonomenal. Our third-string prot warrior can put his gatorade down, lollygag on to the field, and devastate the entire Ohio State offense. This means that we never have to cancel raids due to tank/healer shortage. This also means that I don't ever get to raid in my offspec.

Most of the time, I'm in my Juggernaut mode, but when I go tank mode, I be throwin' Avenger Shield no-look behind-the-back and shit. I have crazy leet tanking skillz. Unfortunately, I'm the only person who thinks that.

Me: "Razor (my gm)! Look! look! With this new exciting Dual Specialization feature, I can dps OR I can switch to tank with a click of a button! Isn't that exciting? So, can I try tanking the adds on..."

Razor: "Let me nip this at the bud. Here are the things I care about on a daily basis: 1) raid progression; 2) what's for dinner?; 3) hockey playoffs; and 4) my girlfriend. Here are the things I don't give crap about, ever: 1) you have tanking gears; 2) you specced for tanking; and 3) Lindsay Lohan's new shoes, kk? You are a dps."

The Definitive Guide

Today's topic is ret pally dps cycle. I ran seven hours of stochastic simulation on MATLAB using Black-Karasinski 2-factor diffusion model. After 5000 iterations of cycle optimization, I've concluded that pivoting the nose on D key and rolling to the right and back renders the highest possible DPS output. If you're JC/BS and have 4-pc set bonus, pivoting J and alternating the left-roll and right-roll is still the way to go.

If you have further questions, please email Alex, Josh, or Stoico, 'cause I have no idea what I'm talking about. Thanks.

The state of 3.1 ret pally dps has been holding up to what ghostcrawler said. On some fights, I get blown away and don't even show up on recount. On most fights, I'm somewhere between 3 and 7. On gimmic fights like Auriaya, Kolgarn, and Freya, NOTHING can touch me. I own that shit yo.

Deconstructor, Kologarn, Auriaya, and Freya WWS from last week:

Thursday, May 7, 2009

epic rogue is epic

20 minutes to raid. I was hungry, but all I had was left-over sushi from last night. I didn't feel like eating sushi two days in a row, so I striped all the fish off rice and grilled them on a frying pan. Throw them babies on a bread, put some tartar sauce on it, and I had me crazy delicious fish sandwich.

We ran into another epic rogue at the ulduar entrance.


Um... no, you're stoppable. I know that for a fact 'cause I just kicked your fucking face in. I, on the other hand, am unstoppable. I cannot be stopped, because 1) I'm the illest ret pally you never known and 2) I'm on a boat.

Now, that's a belt I can settle down and have some kids with. We're gonna have family picnics with bunch of little baby belts running around. daddy! daddy! I hope my gm gives me some rune orbs.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Feet of Gold

OMG why didn’t any of you tell me I can get epic gems from the fishing dailies? You’ve got to keep me posted on stuff like this. I don’t care for pets or achievement points, but if it’s anything that gives me even the slightest dps edge, I will whore my heart out. If that noble garden achievement rewarded me 1 Attack Power, you better believe I’d be sitting in Terrokar Forrest clicking the shit out them eggs.

I didn’t get a gem yesterday, but I got me this epic pimp cane fishing pole. It’s got wings like paladins and blings like Bishop Don Magic Juan. Chuuch.

I also got this grey vendor loot: Worthless Piece of Green Glass. I LOVE this. They named it so I can vendor it with confidence and never look back. The green-blue-purple color code doesn’t work for me. One thing I really regret is vendoring Gorehowl. I was a silly nub and I had no idea who Grom Hellscream was. Zug zug.

Michael Johnson is one of my favorite athletes of all time. He smoked everybody in both the 200m and 400m event at the same Olympics. For those of you who can’t grasp how crazy awesome that is, that’s like going to an Ensidia raid and topping the dps meter AND the healing meter at the same time.

He’s also known for his showy display. Oakley shades, gold necklace, and golden cleats. Michael Johnson is allowed to rock them blings, because he owns everyone. If you’re gonna get smoked, don’t ever lollygag on this sacred track with your golden cleats—it looks ridiculous.

So…we ran into a rogue named pwnyoface in VoA pug. If you’re a rogue named pwnyoface, you better pwn some face and you certainly better pull more than 1100 dps. What is you thinking walking in here all swaggering like you know what’s going on and getting face rolled by a prot warrior?

1) He was trying to teach us a lesson in irony.

2) He was trying to teach us a lesson in ambiguous pronouns. Your in pwnyoface is not referencing me, you, or the prot warrior. He was talking to that lvl 1 dalaran squirrel.

Take them gold cleats off you fool. and here’s $15, go change your name to higuyz or helloeveryone or something like that.

Monday, May 4, 2009

You like talking about how good you are? Me too.

What is the mission objective of the chopper riders during the Flame Levi fight?

A) To ride around in a big circle and be dazzled by how the chopper totally brings out the ruggedly handsome renegade Bon Jovi in you.

B) To locate, rescue, and transport the catapult paratroopers into safety.

"So fast… How is that even possible?!?!"

That’s the sound of me impressing myself with my insane rescuing abilities.

Passenger: “Hey, Jong.”

Me: “Yeah?”

Passenger: “What’s the ground like? Is it nice?”

The rescued paratrooper has no idea what the ground looks like, because I pick him up so fast, he has no time to get acquainted with the ground.

I’m telling you, I’m the Travis Rice of chopper rescue rangers. Unfortunately, nobody cares.