I get me a cup of gingerbread latte from the corner starbucks and walk up to a newspaper machine.
Once I open the dispenser with 75 cents, I have access to the entire stack of USA Today. It takes me 75 cents to get to the first paper, but the dispenser has no mechanism to stop me from getting the 2nd, 3rd, and every copy thereafter for free.
Still, I only grab one paper and close the door. It’s not because I’m particularly an upstanding citizen. If coca cola vending machine worked the same way, I’d grab as many drinks I as I can and stock up my fridge.
I simply have no interest or use for the second copy. In fact, someone would have to pay me to take additional copies. Anything beyond the first one is just a clunky stack of recycling material I have to carry around until I find a recycling bin.
The paper distributors didn’t implement single-copy dispensers, not because they are stupid, but because they know there is no marginal utility, or incremental benefits, to the second newspaper.
The lfg system is a big nightclub. Dps has to wait in a long line. Tanks get on-demand right here right now dungeon que. You skip past everybody and the table’s all set up for you with grey goose vodka chilled in an ice bucket.
When I sign up to dps, I have to wait so long that I forget I ever qued. When I sign up to tank, I get the que window faster than the cooking window. It’s good to be a hybrid in lfg.
I wish the hybrid privileges carried over to the srs bzn raiding environment, but it doesn’t.
For tonight’s raid (ICC/anub), we went with 3/16/6 formation. I had to compete for 1 of 16 dps spots. I was chosen purely based on the merits of my dps. The fact that I am also specced & geared for tanking was absolutely irrelevant, because the marginal utility of a 4th tank is equal to that of a second newspaper.
Here are the things that are more relevant to the raid’s success than a 4th tank or a 2nd newspaper:
1) Pro mages that can decurse supafly dope style. They are absolutely critical in lady deathwhisper.
2) Rogues that can interrupt and trix. If a rogue messes up ONE trix on wave spawn in 25Anub hm, it’s a wipe. ONE.
3) Pro hunters that can md and dish out control range burst pop pop pop. My taekwondo instructor said, “Athletic kids learn pretty Hollywood kicks fast. You know what separates a gosu from an athletic scrub? Control. Controlled dps.” You only get 6 ice patches. That means you can’t just go popping all them like it’s Kinko’s bubble wrapper. Our hunter is a fucking ninja sniper who can drop them patch at the precise location at the exact time.
4) Pro warlocks that can… erm… summon pro style. Selfless warlocks that sacrifice personal dps for that insane caster buff. I don’t know what the spell is called, but it’s the one, if missing, makes all the casters go, “What? None of you?”
5) Core Hound Puppies. They roll over, dig grounds, and give me hours of entertainment.
I can’t come up with an ending paragraph. I think I was writing something on the relative value of hybrid dps-- does my hybridness (i can tank/heal/dps) provide privileges over pure dpsers in competitive raiding environment?
On that note, I still cannot believe I forgot Taylor’s birthday. It turns out I had set up my Outlook alarm for Dec 13th, 2010.
I’m so sorry baby.