Monday, December 21, 2009

today's paper

7 AM.

I get me a cup of gingerbread latte from the corner starbucks and walk up to a newspaper machine.

Once I open the dispenser with 75 cents, I have access to the entire stack of USA Today. It takes me 75 cents to get to the first paper, but the dispenser has no mechanism to stop me from getting the 2nd, 3rd, and every copy thereafter for free.

Still, I only grab one paper and close the door. It’s not because I’m particularly an upstanding citizen. If coca cola vending machine worked the same way, I’d grab as many drinks I as I can and stock up my fridge.

I simply have no interest or use for the second copy. In fact, someone would have to pay me to take additional copies. Anything beyond the first one is just a clunky stack of recycling material I have to carry around until I find a recycling bin.

The paper distributors didn’t implement single-copy dispensers, not because they are stupid, but because they know there is no marginal utility, or incremental benefits, to the second newspaper.

The lfg system is a big nightclub. Dps has to wait in a long line. Tanks get on-demand right here right now dungeon que. You skip past everybody and the table’s all set up for you with grey goose vodka chilled in an ice bucket.

When I sign up to dps, I have to wait so long that I forget I ever qued. When I sign up to tank, I get the que window faster than the cooking window. It’s good to be a hybrid in lfg.

I wish the hybrid privileges carried over to the srs bzn raiding environment, but it doesn’t.

For tonight’s raid (ICC/anub), we went with 3/16/6 formation. I had to compete for 1 of 16 dps spots. I was chosen purely based on the merits of my dps. The fact that I am also specced & geared for tanking was absolutely irrelevant, because the marginal utility of a 4th tank is equal to that of a second newspaper.

Here are the things that are more relevant to the raid’s success than a 4th tank or a 2nd newspaper:

1) Pro mages that can decurse supafly dope style. They are absolutely critical in lady deathwhisper.

2) Rogues that can interrupt and trix. If a rogue messes up ONE trix on wave spawn in 25Anub hm, it’s a wipe. ONE.

3) Pro hunters that can md and dish out control range burst pop pop pop. My taekwondo instructor said, “Athletic kids learn pretty Hollywood kicks fast. You know what separates a gosu from an athletic scrub? Control. Controlled dps.” You only get 6 ice patches. That means you can’t just go popping all them like it’s Kinko’s bubble wrapper. Our hunter is a fucking ninja sniper who can drop them patch at the precise location at the exact time.

4) Pro warlocks that can… erm… summon pro style. Selfless warlocks that sacrifice personal dps for that insane caster buff. I don’t know what the spell is called, but it’s the one, if missing, makes all the casters go, “What? None of you?”

5) Core Hound Puppies. They roll over, dig grounds, and give me hours of entertainment.

I can’t come up with an ending paragraph. I think I was writing something on the relative value of hybrid dps-- does my hybridness (i can tank/heal/dps) provide privileges over pure dpsers in competitive raiding environment?

On that note, I still cannot believe I forgot Taylor’s birthday. It turns out I had set up my Outlook alarm for Dec 13th, 2010.

I’m so sorry baby.


For the Pie said...

First: happy birthday Taylor..late apparently.

Second: I respecced from dual specced boomkin/cat to boomkin/bear.

OMG, front of the line!

Sadly, the dps are short bus special.

Shamrockgirl said...

I like being heals in the new LFD... i did have to wait about 2 minutes yesterday on one healer... but that was pretty minor. Most of the time i Queue up and immediately get the enter dungeon box... first time that didn't happen i thought it was broken. LOL

also... Happy Birthday Taylor!! Hope it was a good one!

Roeland said...

The main reasons to bring hybrid class dps to any raid is simply because of the amount of buffs and rebuffs to a raid. A ret paly for example brings replenishment, 3% damage buff to the entire raid, provides judgement of either life or mana gain, ap debuff on the boss which for example on marrowgar will cut his saber lash by 4 to 6 thousand per hit, and all that on top of the blessings that everyone is so familiar with.

The true hybrids are especially good at this, an elemental shaman and a balance druid together bring every significant caster buff available. Pair that ret paladin with an enhance shaman and the same can be said for melée, minus the very important armor reduction that warriors, rogues or beast mastery hunters can provide.

The significance of all this is dependant on the size of the raid, in 10 mans hybrids are far more important than in 25 mans, simply because most buffs are covered by default if you get 25 competently specced raiders. But if you ever want to see some crazy numbers get a that boomkin and ele together with 6 arcane mages on an OS3d zerg and watch the arcane blast totals go through the roof.

Antigen said...

My God, I forgot Taylor's bday as well... but I'm PRETTY sure why you had her birthday marked in your Outlook for 2010.

2010 - 1989 = 21.

December 13, 2010: the epic journey to one day meet Taylor Swift at a bar begins.

Paul said...

Love the LFG as a Pally tank wanna-be. I can also slow down the group a bit. I don't have every instance memorized as of yet (lvl 70 currently).

From the DPS end (Blood DK) I show up and the Bear tank is already headed for the first mobs. So much for smelling the roses and looting the trash mobs for that matter...

River said...

I'm gonna Kanye-block you all on Taylor Swift.

Happy Bday Taylor. I'm a little late, but not 2010 late.

ICC I feel the Mage love. CC is back too.

Arioch said...

So what job do I get in Lady Deathwhisper? Burn the shield. le sigh. I gotz mad decursing skillz.

I am always entertained by how you manage to tie together mundane real world stuff with WoW.

And I agree with Roeland about the difference between 10s and 25s. For our 10s, we take 2-3 newspapers. But never the one on top. You have to dig under that one and take the next few.

Vulpina said...

amg I want Jong to be my tank

/fangirl faint

gnomeaggedon said...

In my house move I lost my invite to Taylor's party...

So i went looking on the net for a copy (same thing, insert 75 cents, get as many as you want)... but all I could find was this "Taylor Swift Birthday Party Ticket Invitation - Gay Wedding ..."

I like queuing as Heals, then when the group pops ask who is heals... cause I want to DPS.

Still trying to find the piece of code that allows Gnomeaggedon to choose "TANKIT!".

PS: I haz Interwebz!
The crap can stay in boxes for years for all I care.. cause I got my interwebz back