Wednesday, December 30, 2009

coffee thoughts

1) Megun’s last post was all about herself cleverly disguised into giving me the floor. What do readers care about more: a) my 100th post or b) Wreath of the Megun’s Panties?

I really wish she’d stop encouraging gnome from instilling images of pantie-seeking gnome running around my luxuriously elegant condo.

2) I like the last boss in Nexus and I like Hodir. I like jumping and those fights give me a legitimate purpose to jump continuously.

spacebar clown

3) Steve, the only non-Indian guy at my company's tech dev team, looks like he’d be really good at wow. He’s rocking a pony tail to compensate his rapidly receding hairline. He’s got manboobs and concave nipples rudely protruding through his faded t-shirt. Thick Smart Shade Change glasses.

It's one thing to be good at wow. It’s entirely another thing to look like you’d be good at wow.

4) I think WSSR is still the best looking range weapon in the game. This is my wolvar hunter and her pet Rafa.

5) During my college summers, I worked as a bartender at Shock-o-Bottom, a bar district in Richmond, VA. Richmond sucks. It’s like Gotham city except there’s no Batman.

Many of my heavy tippers were bartenders who work at other bars. Bartenders tip bartenders, because they understand.

I never get mad at that one DPS who always delays the dungeon q. That guy waited for 35 minutes to q and fell asleep at the keyboard. I understand.

6) Gevlon and Ari recently covered RAWR. I thought those were helpful posts for new players.

I couldn’t believe there were so many trolls:

a) Why would you want to taint the truth with things like numbers and data? My dps is all about feelings. It comes from right here, the bottom of my heart.... you've read Jong Tsu Chronicles one too many time.

b) I don’t need RAWR. I’m from Texas, bitch... yeah, because reliance on a model is the surest sign of weakness.

c) RAWR is all wrong. It assumes uninterrupted, single-target stationary fights. No fights are like that… yeah, and the mankind should do away with thermometer since it doesn’t account for humidity and wind-chill effect. That’s what models are supposed to do: measure a variable in isolation from all other variables.

d) I built my own model. I am right and RAWR is wrong. How do you know you’re right you delusional elitist? Even the ubber nerds at TEJ constantly cross-calibrate their models against RAWR and other models.

7) 8) Yesterday, I learned that I can turn stonekeeper shards into honors into epic gems. I had 1400 stonekeeper shards :D

9) I really like the retreating sequence in HoR. It's packed with so much action.

"Prevent the scourges from disrupting my incantation!"

"I don't know what that SAT word means! But I won't let these scourges stop your spell channeling!"

This is a very creative guild application submission. Probably something ixobelle would pull off.


Monday, December 28, 2009

Jedi Post Trick

"This isn't the post you're looking for."


So, I noticed there hasn't been a post since last week.

Scratch that, there was a post, but Jong deleted it---did you happen to catch it too? I swear it was up for like a split second, but then the viagra had a bad reaction to the eggnog and dooooooooown it went.

Just to double check, to make sure that he wasn't going to repost it up, I checked the list to make sure it wasn't a draft in limbo. There, I noticed:

I noticed that this post ur readin rite now is gonna be el numero 100 for the Forbearance Blog.

Actually, I lied, that's not what I noticed FIRST.

First I noticed how fucking depressed I was because Jong has surpassed me in the power of blogging and how many comments he gets avg. per post.

I once tried striking him down on my old blog but he became more powerful than I could have ever imagined---I should have heeded those wise words from the Jedi I once ran into at the Blacksmith this one time:


So then I noticed that his blog had 99 posts and a bitch ain't one. That's quite the feat no matter what type of blogger you are.

Now I KNOW there's some technical semantics.. for instance, Jong has deleted a buncha posts, for what reasons I dunno, that's his call to make. Then there's also that 1 guest post this month from Gnomeageddon.

I looked it up on EJ and the AP (Actual Post) equivalent of a post from a Gnome is 1 to .5---which would make the blog 99.5 total posts.

Whatever, this post is #100!

But like a good guest blogger I am, I know my role. I am the sideshow to Jongryana, it's only right that the legendary supafly Ret Ranger himself have the honor of post 100.

So I'll leave this post up for about half the day and then delete it at some point.

Or I'll just leave this post up and delete Gnomeageddon's post, that fucker stole some of my panties. I barged into his room and confronted him about it, he said BUT OH MEGS, it's all about spreading holiday cheer!

Then he pointed above my head, and there affixed on the frame of the doorway were my panties + decorative holly/bells. I said WTF did you really make mistletoe with my underwear and he corrected me---he said it was cameltoe.

Halp me obiwon.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


"On your mark.. get set.."


For lunch today I went out to grab something quick to eat, been very busy at work.

I went to the vending machine but couldn't get my usual Diet Coke because it fucking had a USA Today newspaper rolled up and stuck in the slot where the can drops.

Some moron prolly thought he could get multiple sodas for the price of 1 with his elaborate macgyver-esque plan that combines the power of.. well, rolling up a newspaper and being a cheapo.

If anyone has any information on where I can find the culprit who made me supa thirsty, please halp me out so I can USA Toslay him across the fase.


Speaking of thirsty, one of my go to drinks when I'm out is a Manhattan with Makers Mark, go light on the Vermouth.

I think that would be my Locks signature drink. If she gets hit on at the Pig and Whistle by some Human DK with DBZ hair, she can make him go meet his Makers.


And speaking of Maker, it's almost big JC's burfday, is it marked on your calendar? You can forget all about Tailor Swift's burfday, but don't forget about JC, he'll be supa sad.

I'll prolly have one more holiday flavored post if I can find the time before. If not, then I wish you all a Merry Christmas right nao.

If you're hitting up family/holiday party events, make sure you change specs, show a little Forbearance, and go!---tell 'em Jong and Megs sent ya. Be safe.


//[go, go] [go, go, go, go ,go]
//[and on the count of three]
//[go, go] [go, go, go, go, go]
//[and on the count of three]
//[go, go] [go, go, go, go, go]

//[uh, on the count of three]
//[everybody flip specs like they oak-a-leys]

//ya brah, ya girl is back, lay hands nerf retract
//tell the blog roll the truf' is back
//you ain't gotta argue about who could blog
//cause the proof is back, just go through my logs
//forbear forbear - yah where my pallies at
//where my beaconers, where my vengeance stacks
//I don't care what ya do for badge
//I know the blue glued ya class to the ground
//ya gotta wings through that
//I been through that, been bot at, heal crap
//gotta keep it peace like a trade chat
//I ain't a noob jack, nobody gon' one two shot me
//got points in prot see, move back
//bet I cleave, holy knight
//the more space I get the better I kite
//oh - never I spite, but - if - ever I write
//I need the space to king wisdom 'n might
//now just -

//change specs and go [go, go, go, go ,go]
//[and on the count of three]
//you know I stay, not one spec [go, go]
//ya girl from the blogjects
//and ima take you to the top of icecrown
//so let's go -
//change specs and go [go, go, go, go, go]
//[uh, on the count of three]
//[everybody flip specs like they oak-a-leys]

//and I ain't gon' tell you again let's get adds and hardmode
//you could bring your friend we could make this a shardmode
//or you could queue by yourself and you can cap nodes
//best believe I P - V - P, give keyboard scrubs gnerd R - A - G - E
//all you get if you can't bind it
//back it on up like ya s key stuck
//then run and tell 'em pugs you read rafa's new shit
//she and the boy jongelf make beautiful post-its
//he is to the blog post what jerks is
//to the spread sheets what champs is to news bits
//young raf' in the house it's so necessary
//no tears with the gears it's so necessary
//no pity with wit that's so necessary
//now why you trollin on me, is that necessary
//do I to you, look like a noob
//who don't understand a game with a team improve
//whose up on dot dot lock and vera rouge
//brah did you get schooled
//let's just - [what ya want me to do]

//[and on the count of three]
//change specs and go [go, go, go, go ,go]
//you know I stay, not one spec [go, go]
//ya girl from the blogjects
//and ima take you to the top of icecrown
//so let's go -
//change specs and go [go, go, go, go, go]
//[uh, on the count of three]
//[brah I promise you no substitute]
//it's just me

Monday, December 21, 2009

today's paper

7 AM.

I get me a cup of gingerbread latte from the corner starbucks and walk up to a newspaper machine.

Once I open the dispenser with 75 cents, I have access to the entire stack of USA Today. It takes me 75 cents to get to the first paper, but the dispenser has no mechanism to stop me from getting the 2nd, 3rd, and every copy thereafter for free.

Still, I only grab one paper and close the door. It’s not because I’m particularly an upstanding citizen. If coca cola vending machine worked the same way, I’d grab as many drinks I as I can and stock up my fridge.

I simply have no interest or use for the second copy. In fact, someone would have to pay me to take additional copies. Anything beyond the first one is just a clunky stack of recycling material I have to carry around until I find a recycling bin.

The paper distributors didn’t implement single-copy dispensers, not because they are stupid, but because they know there is no marginal utility, or incremental benefits, to the second newspaper.

The lfg system is a big nightclub. Dps has to wait in a long line. Tanks get on-demand right here right now dungeon que. You skip past everybody and the table’s all set up for you with grey goose vodka chilled in an ice bucket.

When I sign up to dps, I have to wait so long that I forget I ever qued. When I sign up to tank, I get the que window faster than the cooking window. It’s good to be a hybrid in lfg.

I wish the hybrid privileges carried over to the srs bzn raiding environment, but it doesn’t.

For tonight’s raid (ICC/anub), we went with 3/16/6 formation. I had to compete for 1 of 16 dps spots. I was chosen purely based on the merits of my dps. The fact that I am also specced & geared for tanking was absolutely irrelevant, because the marginal utility of a 4th tank is equal to that of a second newspaper.

Here are the things that are more relevant to the raid’s success than a 4th tank or a 2nd newspaper:

1) Pro mages that can decurse supafly dope style. They are absolutely critical in lady deathwhisper.

2) Rogues that can interrupt and trix. If a rogue messes up ONE trix on wave spawn in 25Anub hm, it’s a wipe. ONE.

3) Pro hunters that can md and dish out control range burst pop pop pop. My taekwondo instructor said, “Athletic kids learn pretty Hollywood kicks fast. You know what separates a gosu from an athletic scrub? Control. Controlled dps.” You only get 6 ice patches. That means you can’t just go popping all them like it’s Kinko’s bubble wrapper. Our hunter is a fucking ninja sniper who can drop them patch at the precise location at the exact time.

4) Pro warlocks that can… erm… summon pro style. Selfless warlocks that sacrifice personal dps for that insane caster buff. I don’t know what the spell is called, but it’s the one, if missing, makes all the casters go, “What? None of you?”

5) Core Hound Puppies. They roll over, dig grounds, and give me hours of entertainment.

I can’t come up with an ending paragraph. I think I was writing something on the relative value of hybrid dps-- does my hybridness (i can tank/heal/dps) provide privileges over pure dpsers in competitive raiding environment?

On that note, I still cannot believe I forgot Taylor’s birthday. It turns out I had set up my Outlook alarm for Dec 13th, 2010.

I’m so sorry baby.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Miracle

"Wait, what do you mean?"


For the record, I hate you guys.

I try and write sophisticated and posh guest posts and it's all like hohum, that's nice Megs---now let's get back to work on this intense Boggle session.. good Lord, Z T U N A T S U B, looks like gg for us, maybe we should have played Outburst tonight..

Then Jong posts the word BUSTANUTZ and everyone goes wild---the red carpet rolls out, confetti and flashflash snaparazzi go, ZOGM ITS JONG emerging from that pimp Maybach Benz, everyone smack him in the fase with awards, titties and 6slot bags of fel weed.

I'll have my day, mark my words---the Boggle Dungeon Finder Genie will give me OVARIANEXPLOSIONZ and I'll be spamming the IWIN button on my mouse so hard it'll break and I'll have no choice but to throw it out the window.


We killed that Orc DICKNITE boss in ICC10 last night. Our first few attempts involved leet Snottydin strats where I tried solohealing it while 8DPS and 1tank aimed to burn him before the 2nd Mark.

Those attempts failed miserably at 20% because I was so GCD starved and stressed that I ended up taking my mouse and throwing it out the window.


Our weeklyraid quest is Flame Leviathan from Ulduar.

It's pretty funny when it's Flame Leviathan as the weekly. I go up to the guy in Dalaran expecting to pick up a quest to kill an important and deadly boss that's key to the whole ICC operation, but the holographic image has a spinning Maybach on it---the quest reads FLAME LEVIATHAN MUST BUY!

I tried clicking on it but then I remembered I didn't have a mouse.


Ok guys, TIME OUT.

I don't understand why everyone is still posting about PUGfails, inadequate DPS, lolurgear and all other nonsense via Dungeon Finder.

You guys are supposed to be all holidaycheer and tistheseason, not Scrooge and Grinch Recounters.

You guys are supposed to be pillars in infotainment, a cut above the supposed troll forums of negativity and ignorance.

Don't you guys want to be the example that inspires and invites people to play better, as well as be better people?

What's the point of having howtoguides as posts, and then laugh and demean the exact people who would probably benefit from that guide the most. Ohwell, you just votekicked him, can't suggest the URL now. I guess that howtoguide is just for the people who already know howto?

What's the point of having tons of links and promo about ChildsPlay or whatever that charity drive was for kids---yah, toss a couple of bucks so hardknocklife Lil Timmy can play WoW, that'll cheer him up for the holidays. Now login Lil Timmy, hop into the Dungeon Finder so we can fucking go off on you for your gear/skill, l2p u failscrub---what were you in the fucking hospital or something? Merry Christmas Lil Timmy, go DIAF until your gearscore matches the donation totals.

It boggles my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I am very mean myself. I can make a PUGfail post that'll make ur PUGfail post cry in a corner. I'm the last one to sugarcoat things, you can ask my Arena team.

It's something I def. struggle with on a daily basis (if you've ever read my old blog in the past, I was not vera nice and outofcontrol a lot). I disappoint myself a lot because I let my meanness overtake my me-ness, and after my triumphant AHA moment of hatred and pwnage, I feel emptier and hollow than ever because no one involved won, everyone lost.

I don't like it when I'm that person because I know I could be so much more.

That's not suggesting I should automatically be happycheery nice, because nice can sometimes be even more mean than mean itself, and more fake to boot---again, overtaking my me-ness.

Either way, there was a higher road, I saw it and I didn't take it. That's even worse than being on the low road and not realizing something higher exists---there's always hope in that case, a miracle perhaps, someone or something might reveal it to you.

It's your blog, you can express and write about what you want, how you want. If you want to bash on people's failings for humor content, more power to you. There's a ton of it out there (not exclusive to WoW as a topic) and people eat it up like candy, it works.

It's the holiday season and the Dungeon Finder PUG fiasco is smack in the middle of it. People believe that miracles happen during the holidays, you can look at the stories and movies that come out. But miracles aren't always big LOOKATME events like Virgin births or flying Metzens---sometimes it's everyday small stuff like turning a WoW community into something that could be so much more, even if it's one PUGfail at a time.


Ok, TIME IN. Shoot for the Moon.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A Guest Post: Gnomeaggedon's "I Smell Xmas Panties"

Urrrggghhh where am I?

Whose bed is this?

I remember a party, vaguely...
  • Lots of hair gel and Xmas bikinis.
  • Lots of DirtyGnomeDancing
  • I remember nearly drowning in the spa...


Mmmm look at all those panties stuck to the ceiling!

What's that over there... A copy of BuffdBelf... Must be a body building magazine... Ohhh they don't wear many clothes while body building....

There is a scent to this room... Somewhere between Horde sweat, Tommy Belffieger colonge and Dwarf vomit.


Errrr this other room also has panties stuck to the ceiling...

Where the he'll am I?

Ohhh a copy of GnomesExposed... Mmm how did those pictures of me get in there?

Well, I sort of hope that I have a fan. I notice most of the pages are stuck together... Yeeeuuuccck!

It's too hard to tell which room is which.
  • Both have armor sets.
  • Both have panties stuck to the ceiling
  • Both have bottles of JD covering nearly all the floor space.
  • Both have bikini armor befitting a human, or maybe a Belf.


Ohhh look, a Xmas tree!

Mmmm most of the presents have already been opened...

Ahhh look, here's one with the a tag:
To: Oomaggedon
From: Gnomeaggedon

But, it's been opened... It's Gnome sized too....


Now it all comes back to me....

I was cruising through Ironforge on my Strider with the Doof blaring out of my SSS (StriderSoundSystem) when that dodgy Dwarf Paladin shot me down. Wrapped me up and posted me....


Ohhh yeah, then there were all those girls ripping the paper off... Ripping my robes off... Dressing me as Santa's little helper and..... /blush

I guess that means I had a Merry Xmas Panty Party

Merry Christmas to the incredible duo of Jong and Megan...

Many happy blog posts of the season to you and your readers!

Gnomer and Out!

Monday, December 14, 2009

auto deny

I need to make a run to the grocery. If you opened my refrigerator door right now, you’ll feel Zen-like tranquility that can only be obtained from the complete lack of materials.

Tiger Woods’ wife is a Norwegian super-model. He’s got perfectly dry-aged grass-fed fillet Mignon sizzling at home, but he’s like “yo quiero taco bell”, and goes to taco bell.

What’s he gonna say to his daughter when she grows up?

“Hey kiddo, I know the voice message I left on the cocktail waitress’ cell phone is floating on youtube as a slow-jam remix, but have I told you I used to have endorsements from Accenture, Buick, and Nike?”

More importantly, what is he going to say to me? I used to wear matching TW hat & windbreaker every where I went and told people to call me Tiger Jong. Well, I don’t wanna be called Tiger Jong anymore. What do you think of that?

I’m running into all kinds of characters with this new pug system. I’m sad that I didn’t screen shot the 1100 dps warlock spamming recount in party chat to rebuke the 800 dps dk. Oh, and the spriest: Oh man, my spell power is the same as the year I was born. 1994!

This guy didn’t do anything to me. He’s ignored in my book by the sheer virtue of spazzing out in front of the character creation screen: busta-n-u-t-z [enter]. He rolled a toon named bustanut, leveled it to 80, and made efforts to gear it out. I feel pretty comfortable auto denying him if he ever applied to my guild.

You know who else deserves auto-deny? Dudes who play male belf dks. Girls may choose whatever race/gender combo solely based on looks, because that’s one of the perks of being a girl.

Orc pets do extra damage. Orcs have axe specialization and every sought-after 2h weapons have been axe since the inception of the hero class. This means these dudes rolled a male belf dk because:

1) They like the way male belf looks; they wanna be associated with Fabioso the Fabulous.

2) They spazzed out in front of the character creation screen.


3) They’re nubs.

All of the above are grounds for auto-deny. If you feel inspired to stand up and stomp me by listing the belf racials (e.g., voluminous hair), sit down. That’s like listing the sheek, metro-sexual functionalities of a man purse so you can rock a man purse.


*Elin is Sweedish, not Norwegian (I wrote this here without looking up anything. I trust Larisa's suspicion more than internet facts.)

*Orcs are so good I wish I could be orc paladin.

*Rhidach has earned the right to winwax. He probably rolled a belf dk for the same reason I wear pink shirts: as a display of utmost confidence in my manhood. I didn't add this to #4 because I didn't want all the scrubs jumping on this bandwagon.

*I think so-called "male" belf is hilarious.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Why MEME 2010

"Looking forward to it as always."


Why God, why? I mean.. rly?? Aren't MEME's like SO LAST YEAAAAAR?

Why would I be concerned about what's so last year, especially when it's about the last year. I only live in the NOW, amateurs.

Fine fine..


What did you do in the World of Warcraft in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Well that one's ez pz.

I never had a LVLcap Horde toon before (they've all been Twink projects), but I finally rolled and got a Horde character to LVL85!

And yes, it's a Goblin.

I will be making a separate blog JUST for her---her name is Revlon and it'll be a blog about 2 main points:

1) How to hit the goldcap over and over by taking simple ingame plain letters from the mailsystem, scribbling "Glyph of X", "Glyph of Y" and "Glyph of Z" on them, and selling them to the S&Ms (suckers & mongrels.. remember, there's Worgen now) who actually think they're real glyphs.

2) WinWax poetic about various social and philosophical topics backed by data and analysis from the experiments of Scientologists. Anyone who argues with me will feel my wrath. I can only be appeased by BAITING me with KoreanBBQ and Alcohol.. grumblegrumble.

The blog will be named, look out for it this coming 2011!

What was your favorite new place that you visited?

I really liked the Emerald Dream zone they added in patch 4.1, the use of phasing was spectacular. I don't want to spoil too much for the people who haven't been able to complete the attunement, but it really tailors to each player for a great experience.

Let's just say that while you thought the background downloader was working as usual, Blizz was actually in your documents/pictures folders as well as recording your FireFox browser history to create the illusion of "dream"---my startzone was littered with Godiva and Movados and even had an NPC named Jay Chou.

Although it is suspect.. I wonder what the Emerald Dream is for Riv and Gnomeaggedon.. they zoned in together and I still haven't seen either of them, it's been days..

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

More Resilience, they keep saying it'll fix it.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I guess my biggest achievement of 2010 was convincing all the top WoW bloggers to xfer and racechange to a single server and start a raiding guild together. The guildtag is Blogin Authenticating and we even have a sister alt guild that we do joint raids with sometimes called Disconnected.

We're totally going to kill Deathwing worldfirst. Or we'll end up just killing each other. I don't really care either way.

We even have BBB being the GM of the guild! That's a huge achievement, right? I mean didn't he have a breakdown or something in 2009? Well he's back bitches, as the G motherfucking M.

I mean, someone has to talk Jong out of gquitting every other day right? I'm sure BBB can handle it (Jong's still bitter about not getting the legendary polearm Naturemourne from the rehashed AQ40 instance that Blizz used as their entry level raid for Cataclysm).

What was your biggest failure?

I never fail, period.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

When North Korea finally stopped building nukes after the release of Starcraft 2.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Drink and smoke.

What was your favorite WoW blog or podcast?

I really can't say, I've been way out of the loop. I quit blogging in the middle of 2010 for a few months and only recently rejoined the community by this guestposting jig on Rindsay Rohan's Blessing of Kings.

It's been pretty cool too, I always thought of Rohan as the solid, straightup no BS type of blogger.. maybe a bit of a square (and not the Grid kind square) in his language and style---but behind the scenes WOW.

Let's just say he can do more shots than a Troll Hunter and so many lines of "dream dust" that my Enchantrix mod just stops working.

Hey, I'll use this opportunity to catch up---what happened to that larisagnome, I heard her blog career ended because she tragically got hugged to death in 2009, true/false?

Sorry Larisa, but MJ still had the greatest death of all time.

Tell us a valuable WoW lesson you learned in 2010.

Be very careful when you're in a rush and joining a group/raid as a certain role.

With the new Path of Titans interface to keep up, sometimes I gloss over my TriSpec options and totally start healing as my Ret/Ninja/Baker spec. The group got real mad and votekicked me so hard my toon ended up in a TieFighter dogfight on the new Star Wars MMO.

I was so dumbstruck that I didn't have time to yell at the noobs in BG chat (that's BattleGalaxy) who insisted on "just let them cap 3 moons so I can get my marks".


See you guys in 2011, peace.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Apples and Apples

"The core, is always the same."


How come everytime I log into Gnomeaggedon's server, he's never on to throw me a ginvite. What the hell is his problem---is he like, from fucking Australia or something?

Maybe it's because I haven't quite figured out the time difference in servers. Plus I can't find Australia on the map.

I press M, but it's totally not in Northrend or Eastern Kingdoms. Might be Outlands. I haven't checked Kalimdor either---no really, I HAVNT CHEKKED KALIMDOOR.

Because I can't. On most of my toons, what has been "cleared and revealed" on Kalimdor maps is:

1) Darnassus
2) Theramore
3) Gadgetzan
4) Orgrimmar (cause I'm the fucking Hero of)

The rest is uncharted blobs of default maptexture. Sometimes I get bored when I'm flying from Darnassus to Gadgetzan so I use the blank space to play Sudoku.

Australia could be any one of those. I'm a busy person---you can't expect me to waste time looking for a city (it's a city, rite?) that might not even be there.

Anyway, back to Gnome---everyone else is already having fun, why can't I?

I was in a Isle of Conquest on my Rogue the other night. While about 14 people spammed "GO DOCKS" (and 10 of those people went to Hangar), I went Workshop.

I always go Workshop actually, but this time I HAD to go Workshop. Because someone else was going to Workshop and I had to get a pic:


Speaking about my Rogue, she's tons of fun so far. It's been 5 days since she hit LVL80.

There's still a few items I'd like her to have before Season 8 is officially released. No worries, Santa's coming soon and I'm sure he'll say something like, "HOHOHO, I-see-see that she's been very nice this year."


Jong says that he's a MinMaxer and I'm not. So true, I'm a WinWaxer (just flip the M's upsidedown).

A WinWaxer is sort of like a MinMaxer---they both have the same goal (to win) but arrive differently. Sorta like PVE and PVP I guess.

You can plug in all the numbers you want into a spreadsheet, but it will never tell you how good you are at 5-8 kiting, or even when 5-8 kiting will win it for you. If you adhere to FCFS in PVE, props to you. If you adhere to FCFS in PVP, that generally means:

1) Flag Carrier, First Served
2) Forget Cleanse, Forget Skill

So when Jong shows me cool Ret Pally threads on how it should be Relentless Meta so I can socket 1x Prismatic and avoid all Blue sockets, I don't feel bad or guilty I'm not MinMaxed.

I quietly slip a Sovereign Dreadstone into my SoCleavage and giggle like Snottydin would. I can cap a flag, cap a node, drive a vehicle, win an Arena match with 1 HP left---but I can't do any of those with 0 HP.

Of course, I'm not saying MinMaxed is inferior to WinWaxed or viceversa. And it's not even the cliche Apples/Oranges thing either---it's Apples and, you guessed it, motherfucking Apples.

When I give my Goddaughter an Apple, I slice it up for her and put it on a plate so she can learn to be ladylike, chew better for easier digestion, share pieces with her friends, and growup to win.

When I eat an Apple, I sink my teeth straight into it and lockitdown---I can walk around with my hands free, getting ready for work, doing up my hair, putting on mascara, or the millions of other things I do to win.


If you liked the vid that Jong posted of 2NE1 in his last post, and you liked the vid of 4MINUTE that I posted way back (I know Flairioch did at least to relive her Junior High School days), then enjoy this deadly combination while you patch up 3.3 all day:

It's almost like combining the power of a MinMaxer and a WinWaxer, all on the same blog.. someone should definitely look into that sort of thing---it's so good, I wonder why it's not already done. I propose.. Gevlon and the Pope.

Both make absurd amounts of money, and both I would like to see drive around in that funnylittle gocart.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Best Kind of Night Clubs

Paladin Schmaladin has been souped-up. Ferraro just hired Hoff, an undisputed authority figure in ret pvp, and Trajer, a raider from Premonition.


Megan, just so you know, you have full admin rights to the site and you can do whatever you want. You can change the blog address to and title it PHOBEARANCE, and I wouldn’t care. And if one day, I find that I can’t log into my own site, I’ll be like, “Oh, I guess I’ve been kicked off”, and go right back to eating my ice cream.

The best kind of night clubs in Korea are the ones operated by organized crime groups.

/que Rough Riders' Anthem

It’s platinum night. Imma get decked out here-come-the-M-I-B style. My girl’s hair’s all kapow kapow let’s GO. She’s got panda bear eyeliners and belly button ring bling bling bip bop a shoop. I’m gonna be dropping $500, which means I expect to have a good time without stupid drunks getting in my way.

When drunks start acting silly because they think they can get away with it, they get ONE WARNING—Sir, may I help you? They better take the hint within 10 seconds, or they’ll be smothered by fifteen arms warriors coming out of the kitchen blade storming.

I don’t have to get involved with the scrubs at all. I just chill out and have a good time.

I love TEJ forums. When scrubs come there posting irrelevant, non-constructive conjectures, they get bashed right quick. I don’t have to sift through other people’s feelings, philosophies, hopes or dreams. I get hard-cold facts and I’m out. Thank you come again.

Megan says that posters on holy pally threads are nutty—“Stack int!” “NO stack spell power!” “NO Your mom’s a whore!”

I find the ret pally posters to be very respectful. Not so friendly, but respectful. They never argue for the sake of argument and have no problem admitting their own mistakes. In ways, the forum is more civilized than any other wow forum:

“Oh, thank you for catching that mistake. I did not consider the second derivative of haste when expanding the denominator of the equation per Ito’s Lemma. Could you pass me Grey Poupon?”

I am a min-maxer. I have no qualms about destroying 3 epic gems to squeeze out 2 attack power. I dropped eng/mining to pick up jc/bs coming into WotLK. If Janitor/Para Legal turns out to be the professions in vogue in Cataclysm, guess what I’ll be doing?

Megan is not a min-maxer. She has to match every socket color. She says ignoring socket color feels like playing Connect Four with the Scrabble letter blocks. She also runs around with a relentless POLEARM even though she’s a human. I would love to make fun of her: UR a hugeee nub. Humans are supposed to use sword or mace, k?.... but I can’t.

What if she replies, “Oh, okay. Can you show me how you enchanted your relentless weap… oh I’m sorry, YOU DON’T HAVE IT.”

Thanks to the troll who ruined my night club scene with a bucket of cold water in the form of Bill Cosby, I'd like to rephrase panda bear eyeliners to raccoon eyeliners. Just to be clear, this is what I mean:

Has anub gotten your raid down? Don't you drag your shoulders in there. Get your chin up and tell him you go by the name of CL of 2NE1 and you're about to set the FUCKING ROOF ON FIRE. EH EH EH EH EH EH EH-O.

Friday, December 4, 2009

To the Choir

"Trust me, beneath you is a place where you don't want to go."


I've been reading the forums a lot.

Do you know some people hate forums? Or they hate those OTHER forums.

Not me, I like forums. I like 'em!

Yes, you can find the worst of the absolute worst on forums. You can also find the worst of the absolute on Earth. I still like the Earth though.

Do you know what I love?

I love Henn, though sometimes it brings the absolute worst out of me.


Anyways, back to forums---I like forums because it has a huge potential for discourse that matters.

I think every blogger (assuming that thinking/writing/discussing are pillars in their blogbaggery) should be active in forums.

If you write something sophisticated and posh for your blog, great---your readers get to see it and maybe you'll have some cross links. That's pretty sweet.

The danger and limitation of course, is that you might just be preachingtothechoir. Hohum, by the book. They're your readers already, and even cross links come from already familiar cozy networks.

You might think that the forums are way beneath you, way too low of a common denominator, not worth your ohsoprecious time.

How can it not be worth your time? When people volunteer to feed people, they go to shelters and clinics. They don't go to the elites of Park Ave. to hand out Turkeys---now THAT would be a waste of time period.

The way I see it, is if you can go to a place where the worst of the absolute worst reign free, and you can still somehow bring out the BEST in people, then you should do it.

It's a hard thing to do, but if you can, then you've got a gift. Remaining in an Ivory Tower is a gift wasted.

It'll bring out the best from you too, because it'll be hard, frustrating and taxing. And you might realize that while you were so focused on looking down at the forums---you were wasting ohsoprecious time not looking up and trying to soar freely.


Anyways, I went off on a rant on forums because of 2 things:

1) I found this thread which discusses CriticalTrollTroll's recent post on PVP and gear gap issues.

2) My Rogue hit 80 finally after doing millions of JC dailies.

Since my new LVL80 is pretty much the definition of geargap as I'm preparing her for Season 8, I'm hoping to develop some posts as I go along. I hope you'll join me.

At the very most I'm hoping to bring her to 1800+ via mainly PVP gear.

At the very least I'm hoping that I'll get a few people to stop relying on excuses and selfpity---and start bringing out the best from the absolute worst toon (in terms of gear). cwutididthar?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Grand Arbiter Rufino Fizzlebang

This warrior is my new main alt. I originally rolled this guy to instill fears in the hearts of the scrubs in battle grounds, but things aren't working out like I had planned. How come arms warriors are so scary when other people play, but not so much when I play it?

So, he's fury now. I've been running some raids, but I've lost rolls on every 2h weapon drops to dirty ret pallies who roll on warrior gears.
Did you guys see the blue note on Grand Arbiter Rufino Fizzlebang, the new gnome NPC coming in 3.3?

Grand Arbiter Rufino Fizzlebang is a level 80 NPC located at the mezzanine level of the Violet Citadel. As his title suggests, Rufino is an advanced AI arbiturartion mechanism we're implementing to improve the gaming experience of smart, metro-sexual, and sophisticated players.
You may report any act of stupidity observed in instance runs or trade chats to Rufino, who will assess the merits of your complaints and punish the reported stupid accordingly.

I logged on to PTR to check out the new NPC and test out the cross-server LFG. I found a group pretty quick and we were off to H UK.

When we were at the first boss, the mage in our group started explaining the fight.

"He's really easy. Just dps and remember that 4x7=27."

"Uhm, no, 4x7=28,"
I corrected him.

"/sigh... trust me, 4x7=27, k? I've done this hundreds of times. Let's pull."

"No, hold up. You're gonna wipe us. 4x7=28!"

"Dude, it's 27. Can we go?"

"Dude, I just refereced the Elitist Jerk's arithmetics thread and used the product function in Excel to verify that 4x7=28."

"You're an idiot."

"You're the idiot. I'm reporting you to the Grand Arbiter."

"Well, I'm counter-reporting you. You and me. To Rufino. Right Now."

After hearing our cases and engaging in a brief contemplation, Rufino presented his verdict... I was so giddy thinking about how badly this scrub was gonna get owned.

"You may go mage; your charges are cleared,"
the arbiter spoke. "Jong, I hate to inform you that your account will be suspended for three days on the grounds of your stupidity."

"WTF? Rufino, you got it mixed up. That guy is the idiot."

"No, I'm pretty sure you're the idiot. You're the biggest idiot I've seen all day."

"How so?"

"You're arguing with a guy who insists that 4x7=27."

My guild has strict mandates against getting into altercations in trade chat, pug runs, or forums. Irrespective of who's at fault, getting into pissing match with anyone is grounds for gkick.

Adhering to the policy has given me a piece of mind.

The other day, I ran toc daily on my warrior. The group consisted of four guildies + me. This one guy told me I was a fucking idiot for something I'm absolutely positive wasn't my fault.

"My bad I won't let it happen again." That's all I said, we moved on, and I got my quest item.

The way I see it, if you look at my guild tag and still say shit like that to me on THIS server, you obviously have no clue. There's no reason for me to argue that 4x7=28.