Sunday, October 4, 2009

Purple Pixels

The human body, when completely decomposed into chemicals and minerals, is worth less than one dollar.

If I were to cash out all the carbon, hydrogen, calcium, sodium, magnesium, etc. out of my body, I would need another 19 cents to buy me a Fruit & Yogurt Parfait off McDonald's dollar menu.

However, if you were to fearfully and wonderfully structure those worthless components into Jong, I am the illest ret pally, your favorite blogger, and my mom's precious loving son. I am priceless.

You see, the value is in structure, not components.
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Some time ago, I tried to tell myself that it's just purple pixels. Come on, let's be mature; it's just purple pixels. Still, for some reason, I continued to feel uncontrollable despair, injustice and anger when the ubber epic drop I've been after for so long went to someone less deserving of its glory.

Why do I feel this way? It's just purple pixels, isn't it?

After attending Dr. Phil's seminar, Relationship Rescue, I realzed that my attitude toward epic loots were extremely unhealthy.

He told me that the first step in becoming a classy looter is to admit to myself that it's not just purple pixels. When those meaningless pixels come together to form Justicebringer, it's no longer just pixels. It's my Justice Bringer. My Show Stopper. My Hope Ender. My Dream Weaver!

As I was coming to closure with my suppressed desires, I began to weep uncontrollably. Dr. Phil comforted me with his burly arm and galvinized my heart with his words: "It's okay buddy. It's natural to want it that badly. Furthermore, it is important to admit your feelings, because then and only then can you truly tell your friend Johnny, Hey Johnny, I really want the axe, but I want you to have it, because you're more important to me than the axe."

8 comments:

thedoctor said...

The human body, when completely decomposed into chemicals and minerals, is worth less than one dollar.

how the f do you know that?

/intrigued

Figworth said...

That is so deep.

Bell said...

As a psychology student, the mention of Dr. Phil gave me a sudden eye twitch, but I got over it.

It's not wrong to covet loot, but it's probably good if you know when you're crossing a line. ;p

gnomeaggedon said...

What ever happened to Johnny....

The last time I saw him he was taking his new purple axe over to see Jong...

Mmmm

Lance said...

Whatever happened to Johnny...

...he is now worth less than a dollar...

Arioch said...

@thedoctor
It's the first thing my high school and college chem instructors would say at the start of a new semester. I think it's some sort of veiled threat that they're going to take people that fail midterms and turn them into piles of neatly labeled chemical compounds.

Dr Phil needs his head checked, that axe is way more important.

River said...

Soylent Green is now on the dollar menu..awesome!

Rhidach said...

Between this and the Spear/Shield post, I don't think any blog has enlightened me as much as yours has. Kudos Jong, kudos.