Today, after the calligraphy class, I took Scut to Thunderbluff.
Scutum: Jong, I think I drank too much ink. I’m dizzy. Isn’t Thunderbluff an Indian reservation? Are we scoring weed?
Jong: No. We’re going to pay tribute to the elders. I want you on your best behavior, okay?
Scut: zug zug.
My favorite elders were hanging out on the Spirit Rise, arguing over something as they always do.
Elder Twinklehoof: Yes, I DID.
Elder Spoontotem: No, you DIDN’T. You’re full of shit. It doesn’t even make sense.
THoof: I’m not lying. I DID TOO HAVE THEM.
STotem: Nuh uh.
THoof: Yuh huh.
These two elders are renowned old warriors who fought aside the founding fathers of Durotar. I visit them to seek their wisdom whenever I’m confused.
Jong: Hi guys, what are you two arguing about?
STotem: Hey Jong. Well, this old fool says he used to wield the [Unbreakable Shield of IMBA] and [Unstoppable Spear of ROFLMAO].
THoof: That’s right! My shield was so sturdy that no spear could penetrate it! My spear was so sharp that no shield could stop it!
STotem: See what I mean? How can the two things co-exist? You’re contradicting yourself with your lies!
THoof: No, I’m not!
Jong: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please….well, let's just find out.
STotem: Find out what?
Jong: Let’s see what happens when the Unstoppable Force collides with the Unbreakable Matter.
THoof: How are we going to do that?
Jong: I will punch Scutum’s face with my fist.
STotem: Great idea!
THoof: Yeah, let’s see it!
Jong: Scut, get in Defensive Stance.
Jong: Ready?
Scutum: Wait, wait…okay, zug zug.
Jong: hoooooo…. HADOUKEN!
WHAM
Jong: OW OW OW, my hand! My hand!
Scut: Sorry Jong, I didn’t mean to hurt you.
Jong: Yes you did you Anal [Chew Toy], you broke my fist with your face.
Scut: Sowwwwyyy. Are you okay?
Jong: No, I’m not okay you big-tongue baby. We tell orphan matron on you.
================================
The Chinese word Mao-dun, which literally translates to Spear-Shield, means self-contradicting or contradictory. The word arises from a weapons vendor who insisted that his shields were unbreakable and his spears unstoppable. The vendor was stompped when a bystander suggested to see what happens when he strikes the shield with the spear.
19 comments:
I feel... educated.
And amused.
Now teach us swear words!
/pulls out pen and paper to take notes
From a game play mechanic I think I'm OK with the changes, but from a lore perspective I'm confused. If Jong is a human now then how can Scutum be your brother?
PS - DON'T DELETE THE POST. kkthxbai
@Arioch... lol Jong is sprung mixing his Lore...
@Jong: Great story.. hope the hand recovers and you unstoppable spear never meets the unbreakable shield...
We will all cry if that day should ever come
@ ari
I think Jong will always be belf. My human pally is named something else because some other sapp took my name.
Very enjoyable to read ^_^
And gosh, I've learned something new o_O I even felt the urge to go look up more back story about this Mao-Dun thing...
Must be his human side this post. With a little bit of Belf trying to get out... :)
OK, I'm totally cool with that. Jong is immortal and can never be destroyed by something so insignifacant as a server transfer.
(You can't fit all the belf awesomeness into a human anyway.)
I had that shield, but I sold it to the vendor a long time ago before WoW had the buyback option. Damn Vendors!!
XD
Excellent, sir. Excellent.
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