Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Origin of Mao-dun

My kid brother Scutum is one the fiercest fighters I’ve ever seen, but he is rather uncultured and unrefined. I’ve been making efforts to expose him to finer things in life, because I don’t want him to turn out to be like our cousin Garrosh.

Today, after the calligraphy class, I took Scut to Thunderbluff.

Scutum: Jong, I think I drank too much ink. I’m dizzy. Isn’t Thunderbluff an Indian reservation? Are we scoring weed?

Jong: No. We’re going to pay tribute to the elders. I want you on your best behavior, okay?

Scut: zug zug.

My favorite elders were hanging out on the Spirit Rise, arguing over something as they always do.

Elder Twinklehoof: Yes, I DID.

Elder Spoontotem: No, you DIDN’T. You’re full of shit. It doesn’t even make sense.

THoof: I’m not lying. I DID TOO HAVE THEM.

STotem: Nuh uh.

THoof: Yuh huh.

These two elders are renowned old warriors who fought aside the founding fathers of Durotar. I visit them to seek their wisdom whenever I’m confused.

Jong: Hi guys, what are you two arguing about?

STotem: Hey Jong. Well, this old fool says he used to wield the [Unbreakable Shield of IMBA] and [Unstoppable Spear of ROFLMAO].

THoof: That’s right! My shield was so sturdy that no spear could penetrate it! My spear was so sharp that no shield could stop it!

STotem: See what I mean? How can the two things co-exist? You’re contradicting yourself with your lies!

THoof: No, I’m not!

Jong: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please….well, let's just find out.

STotem: Find out what?

Jong: Let’s see what happens when the Unstoppable Force collides with the Unbreakable Matter.

THoof: How are we going to do that?

Jong: I will punch Scutum’s face with my fist.

STotem: Great idea!

THoof: Yeah, let’s see it!

Jong: Scut, get in Defensive Stance.

Jong: Ready?

Scutum: Wait, wait…okay, zug zug.

Jong: hoooooo…. HADOUKEN!


: OW OW OW, my hand! My hand!

Scut: …

Scut: Sorry Jong, I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Jong: Yes you did you Anal [Chew Toy], you broke my fist with your face.

Scut: Sowwwwyyy. Are you okay?

Jong: No, I’m not okay you big-tongue baby. We tell orphan matron on you.

The Chinese word Mao-dun, which literally translates to Spear-Shield, means self-contradicting or contradictory. The word arises from a weapons vendor who insisted that his shields were unbreakable and his spears unstoppable. The vendor was stompped when a bystander suggested to see what happens when he strikes the shield with the spear.


Arioch said...

I feel... educated.
And amused.

Now teach us swear words!

/pulls out pen and paper to take notes

From a game play mechanic I think I'm OK with the changes, but from a lore perspective I'm confused. If Jong is a human now then how can Scutum be your brother?


gnomeaggedon said...

@Arioch... lol Jong is sprung mixing his Lore...

@Jong: Great story.. hope the hand recovers and you unstoppable spear never meets the unbreakable shield...

We will all cry if that day should ever come

Jong said...

@ ari

I think Jong will always be belf. My human pally is named something else because some other sapp took my name.

Shy said...

Very enjoyable to read ^_^

And gosh, I've learned something new o_O I even felt the urge to go look up more back story about this Mao-Dun thing...

Stoico said...

Must be his human side this post. With a little bit of Belf trying to get out... :)

Arioch said...

OK, I'm totally cool with that. Jong is immortal and can never be destroyed by something so insignifacant as a server transfer.
(You can't fit all the belf awesomeness into a human anyway.)

River said...

I had that shield, but I sold it to the vendor a long time ago before WoW had the buyback option. Damn Vendors!!

Bell said...


Excellent, sir. Excellent.