Monday, August 31, 2009

MUI FTW

I never wear tight briefs, because I’m a min-maxer. According to the 1998 research published by Dr. Gary Karasinski of Johns Hopkins University, tighty whities interfere with cooling of testes, which may lead to reduction in sperm count and concurrent reduction in SoV damage. I don’t mind the risk of infertility, but I cannot compromise my dps.

I never wear silk boxers either. They ride up and get wedged in butt cheeks.

A friend of mine says she has more than 40 pairs of underwear. She also says she’s thrown away a perfectly good pair of underwear either because it’s out of season or it doesn’t have a matching bra. Are you kidding me? Let me tell you something right now: No man, and I mean NO MAN, will ever see you strip down and turn you down because you don’t match—wtf woman, are those from 2008 Winter Magic collection? I’m outta here. Don’t call me.

I never throw away my boxers. I have a pair I bought during 2002 World Cup and it’s so torn that I’ m the only one who can tell the leg hole from the waist hole. And I’ll keep it as long as it’s functional.
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NPD Group, a major consumer research firm, has proposed that Men’s Underwear Index (MUI) may serve as a notable economic indicator. The theory sounds ridiculous, but it’s been vetted by former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greespan. Men’s underwears are credible explanatory variable, because it’s need-base commodity susceptible to prolonged purchases. They can’t use women’s underwear to draw meaning correlations, because women will starve themselves before they wear raggedy panties.

Here’s the economic outlook per MUI:

This year, the index is expected to fall 2.3%. Next year, the forecasted sale will fall another 0.5%. However, the deceleration of the rate of decline (from -2.3% to -0.5%) is a promising sign for the economic recovery.

6 comments:

River said...

I am more of a casual player so I wear boxer briefs.

Ixobelle said...

underwear are like luggage. You buy them once, and use them until they just don't physically function anymore. Socks, though... I regularly just eighty-six my ENTIRE sock drawer, and just go buy like 12 identical pairs of white sweatsocks from Target.

I can reach into my sock drawer blindfolded and grab any two socks at random and know they will both match, as well as not suffer from 'one new sock, one old sock' syndrome.

Mmmmm... new socks... they're like a handjob for you feet, all day long. If I could get away with just wearing socks once and then throwing them away I probably would.

Stoico said...

lol.

Socks though, I can have one with a hole in, then that is gone, but the partner is still in tje drawer. A pain when you are in a hurry and cant find a matching pair.

Alfonsius said...

Another great start into a day full of work.

Thanks, honestly!

Sprink said...

I am forced to wear tight undies. I wear exceedingly tight pants. ^_^

Aysel said...

I agree with Ixo. Actually read an interview with a bulter that said the most invigorating thing after a long morning was a change in socks if he had to work the rest of the day. Issue with socks is that I need several different colors. Wearing one blue sock and one brown sock isn't going to work :(.

Underwear I completely agree with Ixo on as well. Though make sure the dog hasn't chewed the crotch out before zipping. Zipper + Penis = unbelievable blinding pain.