Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I was playing with my new slinky on the steps of Dalaran bank. It’s hours of exhilarating stretch-and-recoil entertainment.

Aimee the pastry vendor cannot stop looking at me, her eyes sparkling with hopes—I hope he’s got some vendor trash today. Oh gosh, what will I say when he comes over?

Too bad I have no interest in her or her croissants. Her chocolate cake looks delicious, but as sweet as I am, I don’t need any sugar. I carry Johnny Depp-equivalent social status and she’s just a commoner. Even if she’s a Ford super model, I’m Jong and girls like her are dime a dozen.

Then I thought, what if this was real life? If there’s a pastry vendor who looks anything like Aimee, I’d go see her everyday 3-4 times a day. Hi… erm… uh… I’ll take some muffins… and some bagels… and… just give me everything. Yes, the whole cart. I’ll buy the whole cart.

In real life, I’m a bond trader and I drive a mid-price suv. In wow, I’m a fucking PALADIN and I ride around on CocaCola polar bear singing bah bah bah bah bah joy of cola… wait, that’s pepsi.

The quality of my fantasy life is better than that of my real life in just about every aspect. I think the only thing that’s more stimulating in real life is the auction house. Whereas wow AH only allows for cash-based spot transactions on limited number of goods and commodities, CBOE let’s me do all kinds of fancy pants stuff on everything. Pro tip: You may not be ready to trade options if… 1) Terms like butterfly spread, straddle, and backward induction tend to arouse you. 2) You think Vega is a car, Delta is an airline, and Gamma is your momma’s momma.

I only trade ETF’s now days. Last week, I got into FAZ. This is a leveraged ETF that yields INVERSE of the returns on big financial company stocks. That is, I make money when the financial stocks go down in prices—isn’t that fun? I also got into FXP (yields 2x inverse of the big Chinese stocks)... The current growth is fueled by demands from China, and all the investors are going nuts like them Chinese guys on Pai Gow table. I’m calling out on the fact that they’re trading on hopes & dreams instead of numbers. Fundamentals will come into pressure come September, and it’ll be Christmas for me.

EDIT: Why am I bearish? Nothing's changed since Q1-09, but the market has rallied 50%. I really think these people are crazy. Not let's-paint-the-kitchen-red crazy, but toothpaste sandwich crazy.

Disclaimer: This is not a solicitation for sales or investment. I don’t know what I’m talking about and you’ll get your nuts crushed if you follow my investment advice.


Figworth said...

Can I give you my money? You seem like you'd do a better job with it than I do.

Arioch said...

Now that I've stopped laughing (almost), maybe I can post a response.

Butterfly spread

I want a slinky!

Backward induction

River said...

I love my Argent Horn, where I call up my own Hot Pally girl, to do my bidding, problem is she only last a few seconds.

Which is ironic, if I was with that hot a girl in real life...I would only last a few seconds.

Antigen said...

WTB fellow ret pally that can turn my money into beautiful money trees, PST - link achieve

Bizz said...

You couldn't have put the disclaimer at the beginning of the post? now my money is tied up in Chinese stock guddarnnit! thanks a lot mr. pepsicolarbear!

Joanna said...

lulz @ River. :)

Firespirit said...

Ugh, I do my level best with my investments, but gosh golly, when my "portfolio adviser" starts throwing around terms like that, I have the tendency to go glaze eyed, slack jawed, and say "uh huh."

I wish there was an "intro to investment" type class they could give without requiring a masters in economics to understand.

Sprink said...

My wow life is far, far more interesting than my real life. In real life, I'm in computer repair and website design. But Sprink... she's a fireball throwing maniac who saves Oracles from the puppy men. ^_^

Bell said...

IRL I babysit my step sister and play dolls. I try to use my doll character to somehow divert the flow of weddings and boyfriends and shoe shopping to no avail.

At school I do classes. I drive a minivan named Leviathan.


Yeah, I'd much rather ride my Black War Ram or Red Proto, and fight the forces of EVIL.

Poor pastry vendor, though. All her unrequited lusting for the paladin who doesn't care.

Though, it does raise the question...besides Megs, who does Jong go for? :P

gnomeaggedon said...

IRL I test the software that keeps Bond traders under control...

"James you didn't really make that investment did you..."

At least I know why you are charging that the boss pants around ankles like a mad Paladin... cause you are one of them cowboy traders...

Aimee... she sells cakes now does she?

Ixobelle said...

vega is a spanish bullfighter that wears a mask and does backflps with a claw on his hand.


ByStander said...

Gamma is the name of the ray that infected Hulk