Thursday, July 23, 2009

Slay the Dragonkiller and Win the Courtship of the Princess

My little brother Scutum is growing up so fast and strong. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him teaching him how to fish and stuff. He’s shown uncanny instincts during intense combats, but he’s having trouble grasping the concept of Flash of Light ability.

Scutum: Jong, can you help me with this quest?

Jong: Which one? Link it to me.

S: [Sons of Hellscream: Rites of Passage]

Slay the Dragonkiller and win the courtship of the Princess


Prove yourself as a righteous descendent of Hellscream with fierce display of strength and trophies of irresistible charm.

Travel to Blade’s Edge Mountain and challenge the Dragonkiller to a Greco-Roman style wrestling match. Beat the living crap out of him and take his head off.

Then seek out Lindsay Lohan, the Princess of California Rolls. Dazzle her with the scent of manhood, swoon her heart and make passionate love to her.

J: Oh, I remember this one. I want you to do this by yourself. It’s soloable.

I took Scutum to Gruul’s Lair and waited for him outside. “Go on Scut, you can do it.” My eyes welled up watching my kid brother nervously stalk into the cave… he’s a big boy now… daddy would have been so proud of him.


Flocks of perched dragons flew off as the cries of Gruul thundered through the valley.

I paced back and forth-- my heart was pounding too fast to stand still. I clenched the sword tight until my knuckles turned bone white. Terrible thoughts crossed my mind and I had to assure myself to resist charging into the lair. “Blood of Grom Hellscream flows through his heart; he’ll be fine.”

Moments of unnerving silence passed… and there he was, my kid brother, emerging out of the dark lair with the biggest smile on his face!

J: Scutum!

S: Jong! Jong! I done it! I win!

J:Yeah? How did it go?

S: Well, first I tried to swoon him and win his courtship with my Pierce Brosnan charm, but he denied me. So I grabbed him by his horn, popped Blood Fury, and made passionate love to him. He’s over there in the corner whimpering with his face buried in his knees. High King Maulgar is trying to comfort him. I feel kinda bad.

J: …..

S: Let’s go slay the Princess now!


S: ….

J: Abandon your quest nub. You gotta start over.


Arioch said...

So he got the brawn but is running a wee short on the reading comprehension.

Are you removing posts again?!?!?!? Stop that!

Anonymous said...

Bwahahaha /spews soda all over the screen

Darraxus said...

Gruul aint gonna walk right for a week.

Antigen said...

Perhaps Scutum is smarter than you think...

Lindsay Lohan = Gruul?


gnomeaggedon said...

I just cried due to loss of innocence... My innocence. I will never fight Him from behind again without wondering where my pyrobalsts are disappearing...

Shy said...

omg that was hilarious!

But seriously the image that left on my retina...>_<

Alfonsius said...


p.s. stop removing posts :´(

Firespirit said...

LOL, this has to be the most hilarious post in ages.

My guildmates sometimes make fun of me because I have to hang around the back of the boss.

Often they ask - "What if he farted in your face?"

To which my response is - My mana would be slightly set back due to the brief loss of oxygen, but my rage would be boiling, and I wouldn't have to worry about the DPS meters, I would own them.

Khaelie said...

i can just see Jong... standing there... shocked into complete silence. LMAO! Gruul is never going to recover from that!

Hana said...

Oh man... poor Gruul.... ^_^

Ixobelle said...


magicandmadness said...

Oh God, I'm laughing. I'm most definately scarred for life, and I can just forget about sleeping any more this month. But God, I am still laughing over here.