Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Scutum

Hai guys!

It's only been a week, but I missed you. Like the deserts miss the rain. If Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors, I can blog after I quit blogging.

It's Tuesday night, the raids reset, I smell nice, and I got me a bottle of Jack Daniel's. Everything's perfect. Gawd I love this redneck Tenessee whiskey. One of these days, I'm gonna have sons. Three strong sons brave like Grom Hellscream and sexy like me. I'm gonna name them Jack, Jim, and Johnny. Hmmm... I need girl names synonimous with Jack, Jim, and Johny in case I have daughters. Oh, I got it: Megan.

You know I've always had warrior charge envy. I wrote so many mails to ghostcrawler requesting ret pally charge. I told him I'd be willing to give up pussy bubble and whatever pointless pally touchy-feely spells to be able to charge into battle. He said no, so I decided to just roll me a warrior.


I LOVE this guy. I'm particullary proud of the name I picked out for him. Scutum means vibrator in Latin, which is really fitting cause I'm a warrior. I have an awesome RP background story for him too:

Scutum Hellscream is a forgotten son of Grom Hellscream. Grom done knocked-up all three Destiny's Child during their Summer 2007 World Tour. Currently, Beyonce Knowles and Kelly Rowland are engaged in a multi-million custody battle for Scutum and Grom's alimony.

Jong: Hello Sctutum... my half brother.

Scutum: Lok'tar whitest blond belf with an Asian name... how can you be my half brother?

J: Our daddy's got more off-court game than Wilt Chamberlain. My momma is Renee Zellweger. I was begotten during the Jerry McGuire premiere, but Lucy Liu claimed me as her son.

S: Damn...zug zug.

J: Tell me about yourself.

S: I'm a lvl 31 arms warrior and simply unstoppable. I'm so leet I kill stuff and complete quests by accident. I just run up and down The Barrens with my protruding hard-on and zebras, lions, kodos, and all animals of Savannah drop to cleave damage. When I went to Hillsbrand Foothill, I had to zip my pants back up cause I kept aggoring the Southshore gryphon master.

J: Unapologetic ego and self-delusion...you're doing it right...you ARE my brother!

27 comments:

Figworth said...

So, what, penis-wise, is the comparative size of Orcs and Belfs? Inquiring minds.

Syrana said...

omg hai.

Besides Figworth's question... what about his hair?

Bell said...

:D you're back!

Please?

Grimmtooth said...

:: dances nekkid on a mailbox in celebration ::

gnomeaggedon said...

Oi!
When you going to come clean about the cloth wearing offspring of Gnomeaggedon and Camilla Parker-Bowles? (Yes shes a princess, but not the sort you want to meat in a dark alley...)

That 547 Pyroblast critting FireMage of yours?

PS: Yes, "spelling mistake" intended...

Hierakles said...

I am seriosly loving those glasses, any story behind them?

thedoctor said...

destiny child? awesome lol

Lance said...

(Aqua)Scutum Hellscream...

Understated Hordish Elegance

Alfonsius said...

Thanks for being back, and posting delightful stuff again :-)

HP said...

ROFL! I missed you! I still have a soft spot in my heart for Jong, the ubermensch ret pally but I think your readers can make room for Scutum, the fearless Latin Vibrator =)

*vlad* said...

My orc Shaman is pretty dam hard, too, but he also wears a dress.
Beat that!

B-Rab said...

Please stay, you send me into a downward spiral of crying and hurt feelings when you left -- it spurned a blog and the creation of a JongsDong created lvl 1 BE pally on a far, far away realm. I know it might seem like too much, but it got me through the tough times.

Kimberly said...

oooo! You're back! I thought my feedreader was teasing me and not in the fun way.

Shamrockgirl said...

i sure am glad you missed us as much as we missed you! fun post! lol'd at all the penis weilding!!

highlatencylife said...

We all know Forsaken are about the girth, not length.

Funny post.

Hana said...

Lol! Alts are fun, and post-blog-quitting posts are welcome too. :)

Sprink said...

Oh, Jong, how my days have been less entertaining without you! ^_^

I also love charge. It's like, blink for warriors. ^_^

Firespirit said...

Jong:

Glad you came back, for at least this one post. Gosh, just like sprink, its been... a bit dull... without you :)

There, you got it. You got a bit of my man-love :)

Arioch said...

lol @ cleave damage

Jong, you're doing it right.

magicandmadness said...

I could yell "ayeeihihh, you're back!", but that would be silly as this is my first time at this blog. I can however say "ayeeihihh, i like what i see!", as that's more fitting and true. I'll come back to this place. It makes me smile.

Antigen said...

Good to see you're back, Jong.

And /agree with ret pally charge; the farther away from the boss I am, the less face-melting I'm doing.

Ixobelle said...

my wii has a bootleg copy of 'wii sports resort' in it right now, on a 40 inch HD television, and my wii remotes haven't come in the mail yet.

The dashboard music is soothing.

Shy said...

Yay! you're back!

Egeria said...

Yay! You're back, and its a Friday!!

It's like epic awesomeness wrapped in a comforting shell..

Joanna said...

OMG Jong!!! You're BACK!

I just knew you couldn't resist all of the lavish praise.

I rolled a belf (warlock) just so I could remember Jong's L'oreal fresh hair, but it wasn't the same, mine was all limp and tainted with fel.

/hugs for Jong

Ashimbo said...

Woo Hoo! Jong's back. My days will finally be complete once again.

I'm glad you haven't lost your touch since you've been gone.

ByStander said...

AWESOME JONG
OMG !!!!
I seriously thought you were not going to blog again , because I still check like a few day after that post and nothing... and then I got busy and stop reading blogs and now you are back, now I have a lots of reading to catch up , I"m so ready for some laughter , Welcome back
and dont' ever leave~~!!