Wednesday, June 24, 2009

the time i went to jump school

I was part of University of Virginia’s Army ROTC for two years.

Summer of 96. They chose me as one of the four cadets to represent the mighty Cavalier Battalion at the U.S. Army Airborne School in Fort Benning, GA. I was bored of casual ROTC picnics and FIRED UP to see some real action.

We were to address the instructors as Sergeant Airborne. You wanna talk about elitism? These guys are the best. A trainee had his foot rested on a chair at the dining hall. One of the Sergeant Airborne dropped his sandwich, hopped over a few tables, got right up on the trainee’s face, and yelled, “Get your DIRTY NASTY LEG off my Airborne Furniture!

As soon as we arrived at the jump school, we had a shake-down session. We were to form a single-file line, open our duffle bags, turn it upside down, and shake it until the entire content was strewn at our feet. Sergeant Airbornes were going around confiscating CD players, boobie magazines, and all other unauthorized personal belongings.

The guy standing next to me had a baseball glove. The scary-ass Sergeant Airborne stepped up to the point where the tip of his nose was touching the tip of the scrub’s nose. “Do you think this is a plaaaaay grouuuuund? Do you wanna plaaaaaay wif me?”

The scrub was shittin down his leg and I hurt my diaphragm trying not to laugh. What a silly nub. Who brings a baseball glove to the most prestigious jump school in the world?

My turn.

The Sergeant Airborne was casually kicking through my belongings as if he was a zoo veterinarian inspecting elephant poo… and there it was... Herbal Essence Strawberry Shampoo. Neon red liquid gel contained in a clear 24-oz bottle. Apparently, my mom didn’t think regular ivory soap was good enough for her loving son’s freshly shaved head. She wanted to ensure my joyous moments of revitalization where ever I went.

The Sergeant Airborne picked up the bottle and started calling every other Sergeant Airbornes over to him. "Hey! Fields! Sullivan! Come here! You gotta check this out!”

It was really embarrassing and kinda hurtful.

12 comments:

Sassafras said...

lol

Are you still in Va? Because if you are anywhere close to the DC area, we should do lunch or something.

Jong said...

@sass

Unfortunately, no. I had to move away from home several years ago for a job. I'm in Santa Fe, NM now and I hate it. This area feels like Thunderbluff with all the indian reservations and stuff.

gnomeaggedon said...

Strawberry Essence...

There are some stories that shouldn't be told due to the risk of nickname collection...

Joe said...

...and you didn't catch enough crap playing a belf male?

ByStander said...

Awesome Jong
that was one great story , when I read it I had flash back about BRK's Army stories but anyway , Strawberry Shampoo and all, thanks for a fresh post, see ya tomorrow

Lilîth said...

Who is this Bystander nub? He needs to l2givecompliments.

JONG IS THE BEST I LOVE JONG.
There. That's how you do it.

Alfonsius said...

Cool story :-)

But what happend to the GC interview?!

Shamrockgirl said...

Thanks for the refreshing story! LMAO!! You brightened my morning!

Anonymous said...

Haha, good army memories. My Jump School memory comes from the final saftey briefing before Jump Week. In front of the entire student class, the Instructor First Sergeant says, "Airborne, next week is jump week. I'm only going to say one thing to you. Airborne, you better *rar rah rah rah* (garbled), OR YOU WILL DIE! Airborne, it's so important, I'm going to say it again. You better *rar rah rah rah* OR YOU WILL DIE. That's it."

Naturally, this caused some nervousness, since I didn't understand a blessed thing he'd said I needed to do.

Much confusion in the ranks later, I talked to my buddies and we all figured that the crusty old First Sergeant was just trying to make people nervous. Nobody died, so we all must have done it. :)

Hana said...

Hehe... that must've been embarrassing, but at least you got a good story to tell! :)

Arioch said...

The GC interview was win...

I remember using Herbal Essences.

I'm trying to figure out if your momma loves you or wanted to see you get your ass kicked.

HP said...

rofl! Well, at least you smell nice =)