Tuesday, June 9, 2009

BloodKnight Unified Code of Conduct

EDIT: Today, for the first time, I tried writing response to commenters’ comments… instead of, you know, writing flattering comments to myself.
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Male belf pallies have an unspoken Unified Code of Conduct. Irrespective of the intent, we are to never ever stand next to each other. I tried really hard, and I honestly can't think of a sight more annoying than this.
DBM is great. I type /range 10 and it tells me whenever something encroaches upon the specified radius of the comfort zone. If I see a flashing pink, I just pick a direction and start running. I ask no questions. I just run.

The UCC further states that no two male belfs should ever be talking to each other using the /say chat function. There is no such thing as "a useful conversaion between two male belfs"--certainly nothing worthy of occupying even a single line on the limited chat frame space of the people around us.

My buddy Allidoisheal is a paladin. I can't remember what spec he is, but he's a belf palaidin like me. He ran over and stood next to me specifically to demonstrate our stunning similarity and combined douche-baggery. The really sad part is, he wasn't trying to be funny when he told me he changed his hair to match his gear. He was actually attempting to make a conversation and was seeking my input on his newly frosted hair tip.
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We had many new recruits in the guild this week, which means all our dps is getting into recount pissing matches to establish alpha male baboon status from the get-go. I'm not scared of pissing matches. In fact, I have participated in real life pissing matches and you better not step up to me unless you're packing a bladder the size of a camel bladder and have complete disregard for your reputation. Don't ever stoop down to my level. I have ZERO qualms about making a huge tool out of myself over pointless stuff no one cares about.

The raid leader told us to put away the recount ffs. Are you kidding me? The damage meter is 45% of my screen. Atlas loot covers another 20%. Remember, it's not about winning as a team. It's all about hey, did I look good? and secondly, hey, I wonder what this guy drops... I have hard time seeing bad stuff spawning on the floor.

With that said, ret pallies, Kologarn is still OUR house. Do we let anybody just walk into our house, eat all our food out of the refrigerator and step all over our luxurious carpet with their dirty shoes? No, because it's our house.

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Bonus topic: Superfluous Adjectives

"By all means say an economic crisis or a military disaster, but think well before saying an acute crisis or a terrible disaster."
--Philip Atkinson

I present you Putrid Pirate Perspiration from the Zul'drak timed dailies I keep messing up because I get side-tracked so much.

I don't think Blizzard qualified a bottle of pirate sweat as putrid because they wanted to distinguish putrid pirate sweat from aromatic pirate sweat. I know it's putrid, not because anybody enlightened me of its status, but because it's a fucking bottle of sweat off sweaty pirate balls.

EDIT: do you also see the irony in my criticizing someone else's proper use of adjectives?

13 comments:

HP said...

LOL, I always enjoy your posts =)

Sassafras said...

Hair matching is very important. You should give your friend props. Then run.

Stoico said...

hehe, Jong. You have the most screwed vision on wow. But hey thats what I love so much about you and your blog. None alike.

And nice to see you still roll heads, how is the ret damage in general in Ulduar. I know Kolo is our bitch, but how do you cope in the rest ? Any more prime bosses for ret, and can we/you keep up with the rest of the dps ?

gnomeaggedon said...

Only 45%?

How do you know if you are taking the boss down?

I hate small interfaces... might want to up that to 80%.. you could probably push it a bit further if you keybind you one ability (oohhh 3 sorry... forgot bubble and hearth for a minute there)... then you wouldn't need all those redundant ability bars.

That would be like me having scrolling combat text only on size 48 font during AoE...

What's the point, you know you are hitting SOMETHING, so just show me the numbers!

Sprink of Archimonde said...

Honest to god thing I've said, out loud, while playing WoW... aka FireMage Code of Conduct ^_^

"Oh, lookit you. You've got some nice gear. Ah, need to get me one of those. And that's nice, too. And what spec... are... oh. Oh. Uh. Oh. You're Arcane. Nevermind. I need to stop talking to you. And walk away."

Bob said...

A rolled a belf-boi awhile back when I was trying out all of the races. When I saw him standing there with his long hair and a hand on his hip I immediately wanted to drink a cosmopolitan martini while watching old episodes of "Friends".
Halfway through the belf starting area I got to the queer-eye party scene. I think the quest there was to go get drinks, apetizers, and lube.
I logged out, drank two shots of scotch (Glenfiddich 12yr, for those that care) and rolled a dwarf.
And by rolled a dwarf, I'm refering to the midget behind the bar after I had the two shots.
But at least I'm not a belf-boi.

Jong said...

@HP
Tee hee hee. I enjoy your posts too.

@ Sassafras
Will do. I’ll give him the highest form of props—imitation. I’ll change my hair color too so we look exactly alike.

@Stoico
Anecdotally, I dish out very competitive dps. This is our wws from couple weeks ago going up to general (http://wowwebstats.com/5vumkmgse14yy).

Ret pallies do very well on encounters with aoe targets—kol, auruaya, freya, razorscale. On a single-target tank-and-spank fights, I get beat out by rogue, dk, and feral cat pretty consistently.

@ gnomeaggedon
I tried completely covering the screen with recount. I mind being oblivious to my surroundings, but then I couldn’t see myself either. I like looking at myself.

@Sprink
How come fire mages don’t like arcane mages?

@Bob
“Glenfiddich 12yr, for those that care” I care. That’s a fine choice, and you’re a good man.

Sprink said...

Well, it's not that we fire mages are stuck up or anything... just me. ^_^

Perhaps it's an our server thing, but the fires are constantly picking on the arcanes who are also picking on the frosts and it's just a roundabout of picking on for who's the best mage spec.

ByStander said...

LoL when I read the monologue from the picture I laughed, thanks for sharing , it's always a pleasure to read your blog during lunch breaks :D

Arioch said...

Twinsies!!!

You should totally find out where he gets his hair done, and then, like, OMG, you could, like, match, and, like, it would be so, like, awesome!

I'll stop now. =)

Shifttusk said...

Jong!!!

I hate you!!! All I do while BGing as holy with friends or lolretting instances is to lay on hands people low on hp and go "lay on hands mothaf$%^ca"

Great post have a good weekend!

ByStander said...

Jong you are awesome , but why is there no new post today?

Anonymous said...

Jong...
Nice screen cap. AllIdoisheal is now in SBF. Hysterical. Plus the Salihah can i get a summons thing is so typical of her especially since shes a former lock.

Thraice