Friday, May 22, 2009

email from our friend (OOM's Megan)

Remember how I said I wanted to settle down with this belt and have some kids with it? Well, this sword is so good that I wanna divorce the belt and forfeit the child custody rights on baby belts so I can marry the sword.

If I ever get that sword, I'm gonna name it Jessica. I'm gonna socket her with hopes & dreams and enchant her with butterfly kisses. I would also drop BS and level tailoring just so I can serenade her on a magic carpet ride. A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view. This sword is that good.

Tier-2 Season 6 arena mace is also crazy good but not as quite as good as the sword. It is good enough that I would cheat on the sword and have affairs with the mace. Some say that for Dwarves (+5 expertise with mace), the pvp mace comes out slightly ahead of the pve sword.

The take away here is that arena weapons are very viable for end-game raiding.
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I recently wrote a letter to the editor of the New England Journal of Medicine in response to the absurd hypothesis formulated by Dr. Alex Slovasky of U. of Michigan.

Dear Editor,

Your article covering Dr. Slovasky's theory on the affects of Y chromosome on display of exceptional motor skills under hostile environments is lawlz. Dr. Slovasky asserts that the positive correlation between the amount of testostrone secreted by adrenal glands and Season 6 arena rating is statistically significant. Tell him I said whatevers.

The precipitation of snowfall in Minnesota is also closely related to the volatility of S&P 500 Index. You know what that means, right? Yeah, nothing. Dr. Slovasky's findings are nothing more than a superious correlation. I could sit here and hurt his feelings by quoting the flagrant heteroskedasticity observed in the study's sample data, but I'll just tell him this: Megan has no facial hair and she owns in arenas. In fact, her face is baby butt smooth and she's about to get her some S6 weapon and furious libram. So sit down and go back to your country before the H-1 visa expires.

Sincerely, Jong

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Look who sent me an email!

Dear Jong,

I have a question for the supafly belf Ret Pally Ranger himself. I've recently just hit 1850 with my 5v5 team on my Pally, which opens up the first tier of S6 weapons.

My role on the team is Holy Pally---meaning all I do are 2 things, 1) bitch about being Cycloned/Hexed/Sheeped which prevents me from bringing down the lightning aka Holy Shock DPS every 5sec and 2) putting up LAWLra Mastery while chugging a Redbull so I can power out 1sec Holy Lights like my name was Jong Edison.

So here's the question---do I, as a Holy Pally, say screwuguyzonmyteam and buy myself the Ret Mace of Unending Guacomole Grinding?

It's clearly the most pimp thing I've seen out of the Furious Weapons (which isn't saying much) but is actually a clear upgrade as opposed to the S6 caster mace and the stuff from PVE I use to healbot with. And it's more exciting than Furious Libram of Scientology and Slightly Used Furious Hustler Mag (Hodir Snow Bunny Edition).

Help me Jong! Confused Holy Pally with Ret spec on the side!

~ Megan

Since I don't know anything about holy gears, I'll discuss the merits of arena ret gears with respect to comparable PvE gears so she can make an informed decision.

In terms of PvE dps output, t1 s6 furious mace is as good as 25-man ignis axe, IC sword, general polearm, or 10-man hard mode xt sword. It's legit. In addition, the arena mace comes with priceless intangible value--bragging rights. Nothing says "i'm from the streets" like s6 mace. it's like them bullet holes on 50 cents' rib cage. I'm just about the best geared ret pally on the server. I stand infront of the dal bank casually stroking my electronic penis. This silly ret pally in badge/heroic gears bounces up to me boing boing. Then he whipped out the Furuious mace and one-shotted my self-esteem. My feelings were hurt, so I just went to do the cooking daily.

**t2 s6 mace is on-par with 25-man yogg mace or the hard-mode general sword aka Jessica.

I'll tell you right now, the furious libram is the very reason I started my arena career. My team mates yell at me so much. I hate getting yelled at. I'll probably end up getting my pride hurt real bad for months and never get the libram, but I'll try anyways, because the libram happens to be the BEST IN SLUT for raiding ret pallies. bar none. the libram suck fest in ulduar don't even come close.

Do you know how the lyrics to BackStreet Boyz's Quit Playing Games with My Heart were inspired? Megan linked her furious gladiator's libram on guild chat.

6 comments:

Ket said...

PEW PEW MEGZZ I MISS YOU>.>

btw EPIC post as alwayzz

Magejuego said...

You must send her an mp3 of "Baby Come Back". Now.

Beefheart said...

"My feelings were hurt, so I just went to do the cooking daily."
You nearly got me fired for laughing at this post :)It would have been worth it.

Ixobelle said...

lol dude, you **DO** know that whole thing about dropping blacksmithing or whatever the fuck tradeskill and grabbing tailoring for carpet ride shit is already in the game, right?

exhibit A, the HONEST TO GOD mouseover tooltip for magnificent flying carpets:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8UvQIJZJWuI/ShvxO9FAIcI/AAAAAAAABXI/QdseSNktthE/s1600-h/aLAWLdin.JPG

yeah. you go girl.

Sibley said...

Great post!

That pic of Megs Bronzebeard should be framed.

Arioch said...

"I'm gonna socket her with hopes & dreams and enchant her with butterfly kisses."

I know I'm a geek when I thought that was romantic...