Monday, May 11, 2009

Ask Jong

Are men allowed to share an umbrella?

No. If two of yous are walking down the street with one umbrella and it starts pouring, one of you is getting soaking wet. You are not allowed to cuddle up in an umbrella with another dude giggling and bumping elbows under any circumstance.

I just realized that, all along, Bruce Willis had no intention of coming back to the ship--he was only trying to trick Ben Affleck. Am I allowed to cry?

Yes. When Bruce Willis came on that NASA monitor to say goodbye, you better believe I slowly walked up to the tv with Liv Taylor so I could touch daddy's face one last time. Oh, only if I could spend my life in this sweet surrender.

I belong to the dps-is-dps school of thought. Pure, hybrid, soy, 2% fat, it's all milk. You put cereal in it and eat it. But Ghostcrawler says pure dps classes are designed to do more damage than the hybrids. Am I allowed to cry?

No. If blizzard wants to impose 5% hybrid tax, 4% state tax, or whatever arbiturary tax on your hard-earned dps, then make it up with your heart. DPS is 50% math and 50% heart. I have the heart of Jean Claude Van Damm, which gives me 15% crit and 20% armor penetration buff. No amount of systematic disparity can ever overcome your heart.

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I feel very fortunate to be part of guild well-staffed with lots of talents. We're like the USC Trojans in that the strength and depth of our bench squad is just phonomenal. Our third-string prot warrior can put his gatorade down, lollygag on to the field, and devastate the entire Ohio State offense. This means that we never have to cancel raids due to tank/healer shortage. This also means that I don't ever get to raid in my offspec.

Most of the time, I'm in my Juggernaut mode, but when I go tank mode, I be throwin' Avenger Shield no-look behind-the-back and shit. I have crazy leet tanking skillz. Unfortunately, I'm the only person who thinks that.

Me: "Razor (my gm)! Look! look! With this new exciting Dual Specialization feature, I can dps OR I can switch to tank with a click of a button! Isn't that exciting? So, can I try tanking the adds on..."

Razor: "Let me nip this at the bud. Here are the things I care about on a daily basis: 1) raid progression; 2) what's for dinner?; 3) hockey playoffs; and 4) my girlfriend. Here are the things I don't give crap about, ever: 1) you have tanking gears; 2) you specced for tanking; and 3) Lindsay Lohan's new shoes, kk? You are a dps."

9 comments:

Raxerzk said...

Hey dude.

Lance said...

Sounds like razor got his priorities sorted out :-p

thedoctor said...

I'll be your sweet surrender.

Just saying d-(^_^)z

Impadin said...

laughing my freaking ass out.... lol... I like that razor guy. Anymore questions... hehehe

Arioch said...

Look at it this way... at least he's thinking of you! You're 2 of the top 3 in one of his lists.

chronic said...

ily jong

Sassafras said...

I think I just got a huge crush on Razor.

gnomeaggedon.net said...

I'm luvin your proper masculine grammar.

Anyway... in regard to question 1.
it is not appropriate for either man to be under the umbrella...

If one is tough enough to stare down an icy death, then the other one better balls up and close the umbrella too.... otherwise he's buying the beers for the next 48 hour drinking streak to bring his mate back to full health!

Stupid Mage said...

Late to the show, but man, that is some funny shit.