Thursday, April 30, 2009

Panzer Tank and Bikinis: Part 1 and 2

I was deleting some of the sloppy entries. I fat fingered and deleted PT&B Part 1, so I recapped as much as I could remember.

Part 1

Kim at WoW Wanderings wrote a very entertaining post on Playboy bunny ears. quote:

And don’t get me started on how Thrall looks like a humanoid Panzer tank but Sylvanas was “upgraded” to a bikini top and low-riding leather pants.

I’ll get you started. There’s nothing wrong with the arrangement. It’s perfect.

I want my Accountant to be the most anal pencil-pushing sumbitch I can find. I want him to be so nerdy and so anal that he could never miss the smallest detail when he’s itemizing the deductibles on my form 1040.

I want my Warchief to be the meanest panzer tank who eats other panzers tanks for breakfast and picks his teeth with a 2h axe. If I ever find Thrall chillin’ on his throne sipping appletini rocking bikinis & low-riding leather pants, I will slap the piss out of him and never talk to him again. Grom Hellscream would weep in his grave. fuckin zug zug.

I want my Queen to be the most beautiful bikini flower morning dew in the world. Whenever the UC local defense call for help, I'm the first one to throw on a pvp trinket and run over to Sylvanas' chamber.

As you know, I am a member of the 82nd Elite Paladin Special Force Airborne Rangers. The highly selective combat unit was formed under the following mission statement: Preserving Her Hotness and Defending the Sovereignty of Her Bikinis. I've sworn to give my life for the queen. Not so much because she's the queen, but because she is my smoking hot bikini queen. In case you missed, the operative words are smoking hot and bikini.

If Sylvanas looked like a stacked diesel panzer tank, I'd retire from the special forces and go back to selling girl scout cookies.

"Commander Jong! Intel reports indicate possible formation of an Alliance raid SSE of UC. Queen Rosie O'Donnell is in a dire need of your aid! Rally your Elite Paladin Rangers and rush over to Her Lardness' Chamber...

Oh no!... They're here! They're eating all her donuts and fried chicken!"

pfff. I put that transmission on ignore and go right back to doing the dailies. Put that sandwich down defend yourself you big fat panzer tank. I hate going to UC anyways. All that damp and humidity makes my hair frizzle and I deserve all the voluminous shine in my hair, 'cause L'Oreal told me I'm worth it.

Part II

Larisa wrote:

The concept of the “Shake your Bunny-Maker” achievement IS an example of objectification of women.

Objectification of women is a terribly generalized term. I exclusively objectify smoking hot women. I refuse to complete the bunny-maker achievement, not because I'm against objectifying women, but because I don't want any donut-munching panzer tank chic to think I'm objectifying her. If Queen Rosie O'Donnell came up to me and told me I shouldn't objectify her, I would be extremely insulted.

"My Queen, has the baby back rib clogged your artery and your self-awareness? No self-respecting testosterone-imbued specie would ever want to objectify you."

... I think I discovered the worst thing a man could say to a woman: I would never objectify you.

Testosterone is a powerfully reckless energy. It drives me into doing primitive and inappropriate things. I'm subconsciously objectifying women all day long. I'm talking about allll day long and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Ladies, if a man comes up to you and says, "I won't objectify you because I respect you too much" or something like that, just punch him the neck and walk away, because:

1) He believes he has discovered the ancient runic power of Ulduar that allows him to channel his testosterone only in respectful and tasteful ways. He is a delusional nut-job completely detached from reality. Punch him in the neck.

2) He is a lying sack of shit who believes saying the "right" things will get you into bed. Punch him in the neck.

3) He is not attracted to women in general.

4) He is unable to find a single strand of objectifiable fiber in you. You are that busted ugly. Punch him in the neck.

If you say that subconscious objectification of women is somehow more virtuous than expressed objectification of women, I got nothing.

I think there are proper ways to express it (e.g., digging through her laundry and sniffing her panties) and inappropriate/tasteless ways (e.g., throwing bunny ears) to express it.


sweetenedcrescendo said...

You know, when Out of Mana closed (sadface!), I decided to keep reading your blog, because you were funny and Meghan recommended it, but mostly because you were funny.

It's sad that this is the first post I see. Sexism and the willful, unapologetic objectification of women = the opposite of funny. This is not the kind of blog I want to read.

Anonymous said...


get a sense of humor

Rashaki said...

Yeah! Damn bitches refusing to understand how FUNNY it is that they are solely evaluated based on their sexual appeal. If they don't like it they're obviously ugly. There's no way a sensible smoking hot bikini queen would get tired of being seen as a hot piece of ass and nothing else.

@Jong I like your blog. It's true we all like being objectified in certain contexts. The problem is that it seems like that certain context in warcraft is everywhere, all the time. Is it wrong to joke about it in your blog? Nope. Is it reasonable to expect people coming from OOM to be undisappointed? Nope. It's fine to not cater to her readership, but don't expect to win over many of her readers with this post.

Dorn said...

"3) He is not attracted to women in general."

Thank you for sparing me the neck punch. Much obliged.

Kimberly said...

Shut up! It is HARD to get all righteous about this issue while I'm weeping with laughter.

Arioch said...

My jaw dropped when I saw the new look for Sylvannas. She's HAWT. My mage would totally hit that.

Personally, I would rock that bikini/leather look any day. And if I didn't get some objectification for it I would be a little insulted. And have to start punching people in the neck. Except for Dorn, you're excused.

There is nothing wrong with being a smoking hot bikini queen and there is nothing wrong about admitting that you appreciate smoking hot bikini queens.

Aboo said...

"...solely evaluated based on their sexual appeal"

Somehow I think the above statement is most often wrongfully taken to heart by women everywhere. We do NOT soley evaluate you based on your sexual appeal. You can SOOOO be an IMBA raider and be Rosie. You can SOOO be a fantastic person and be Oprah.

It is however your sexual appeal that is solely evaluated by your sexual appeal. That is, per force, what it is there for.

Luckily, you solely evaluate us the same way. Don't take things personally if someone does not find you attractive, you're just not their type. Every Demi has her Ashton and every Roseanne has her Dan. There's nothing WRONG with that. It's how we procreate as a species!

Moocher said...

Part 1 is still archived in your RSS feed; I copied it just in case it goes away. If you want a copy just ask.

darksaturn7 said...

Woah. So much indignate rage. I'm a gal and find the hilarious sarcasm awesome. As a OOM reader myself...really now. Megs had gansta rap and bitches amongst her stuff all the time. Seems if she had questionable content, people found it funny for it's snarky sarcasm, but if Jong (a guy) does it, it's wrong? I guess I just have a thicker skin and didn't take his post to be nothing more than a big heep of hilarious pots shots at the obvious objectiveness Blizz has in it's depictive of females.

Hatch said...

Definitely makes me wonder how much Jong is putting out a "character" and how much of this is really him.

I "objectify" women in the sense Jong is using (I judge their attractiveness) all the time, and I would consider myself a feminist (or at least as close as a man can get). Big difference between judging attractiveness and judging a person, though, and crossing that line is where it gets screwed up. Like a previous poster said, the ugliest man or woman could be the awesomest person in other ways that you know, so you do yourself and them a disservice if you judge other things about them based on their attractiveness.

So basically I think his jokes lack subtlety, and also misses the nuanced meaning of the word "objectify". I'm enjoying the blog and your sense of humor Jong, but this post did turn me off a little.