Thursday, March 5, 2009

Really? Seriously?

1) I wonder if Blizzard has some type of a review committee that audits the appropriateness of its game contents. If there is one, I'd like to have been there when they were going through the Love Fool title.

Quest:

Put on some perfume. Go around to all the big burly city guards and massage their hairy ball sacks until they give you candy. Continue man-whoring your way and complete a Russel Stover gift box set.

"Oh-kay, next on the agenda, we have...let's see... oh, the Love Fool title."

"Yes chairman. The achievement was added to the patch to introduce a whole new meaning of Achievement Whore."

I understand that male belfs reminds you of Deuce Bigalow. I really do. Still, I am a Paladin. That means I am the Bringer of Light and Defender of Anna Kournikova's Virginity. Show some respect.

If you're having trouble coming up with quests more fitting to a Paladin's job description, just ask me.

Quest:

Go beat the living piss out of a huge-ass dragon. Save Adriana Lima, the flimsy goddess of silk panties and all things good and pure.

Reward:

You will receive $500 gift certificate to Lotus. You will also be granted inalienable rights to inappropriately fondle boobies of any Ford models that walk into the domain of your champagne room.

There, something like that.

2) Which one of you blizzard geniuses thought of a vanity toy train that can call upon a choo-choo zoo monkey fest from hell on demand? I hate that toy train so much. Every time I hear that thing go off, I wanna beat a kitten to death with a puppy.

They never drop it when I'm standing alone in a wide-open space. Oh no, it'd be too easy for me to run away. They only drop it when 25 cows, orcs, trolls, and male belfs are all standing on a compact platform like the sewage pipe leading to Gluth's chamber. No where to run suckas!

3) As you can see, I have the lowest standards when it comes to proper grammar and word usage. I'm a big fan of eloquent leet-speak acronyms like lawl and ffs. However, IMO drives me nuts.

I know a guy that adds IMO to every sentence he writes in chat (e.g., Hi, IMO). I tried to empathize with the guy, but I really can't see the value-adding proposition of IMO.

Why does he have to say "This cheeseburger is delicious, IMO"?

If you wanna make a statement of opinion, just say "I think this cheeseburger is delicious." Better yet, just state the point: "This cheeseburger is delicious." I can tell from the context that it's your opinion-- you're the one stuffing your face with that cheeseburger.

Does emphasis on his opinion add validity to the statement since he is a certified grass-fed beef authority? Why does the statement have to be vetted in the first place? Is he afraid that I might cut him off mid-sentence, bang my fist on the table, and challenge his opinion? /slam "Objection! That is preposterous!"

Sometimes, when he really wants to drive it home, he'll add IMHO. You know, to distinguish his humble opinion from other people's self-delusional opinions.

Really? Seriously?

3 comments:

Darraxus said...

Next patch they are introducing another 200 gold sink called the train wrecker. It is a little mechanical gnome that wrecks the trainsets.

Suicidal Zebra said...

I give you Once an Orphan.

Take a child out to the battlefield with other children and brutally murder their surrogate guardians.

Awards 10 Achievement points and a guest slot on MSNBC's latest 'Are Videogames Making Our Kids Violent?' segment.

Jong said...

@dar-- see, now that's how champions and winnners think. i'd gladly pay 2k for that gnome and become the raid's hero

@zebra-- /facepalm. I think I can aggregate enough materials to dedicate an entire section for blizz fails on www.failblog.org