Monday, March 2, 2009

My proudest moment

My GM never picks me for cool special assignments like kiting the zombies in Gluth or occupying the back corners in Four Horsemen. He only picks the smart reliable kids in the class. Even the stupid hunters get important assignments like tranq shotting the enraged eles in sarth. I never get picked for anything.

GM: Okay... we still need somone to take Zeliek's corner... who do I got left?

Raid Assist: Smart, dependable kids are all assigned to important tasks already. You got Jong, Pengu, and Baby Blizzard Bear.

Me: Ooh, ooh, pick me! pick me! Put me in coach! I can do it!

GM: mmmm.... Pengu, you know what to do, right?

Let me tell you, you have no idea how happy I was when my GM finally picked me to carry out the coolest special assignment ever:

Jong, when the second drake goes down, hop in the portal and heal Ody (DPS DK). Healers have to stay out here. You. Are. It. Keep him alive, you got that?

Do I got that? Do chickens wish they could fly? Hell yeah I got that. Strength and Honor!... Except I had no idea what I was doing. I wreck face and that's all I do. Healing is the exact opposite of wrecking face and the most unnatural act for me to carry out. I felt more unnatural than an Elemental Shaman being out of his element.

Still, I tried my best. When the time came, I popped wings, threw Hand of Sacrifice & Sacred Shield on Ody, and spammed FoL while squealing like a 12-yr-old girl who just stepped on a worm by accident: "Eeeeeeeeeeeek!"

Unfortunately, my piss ant 2K FoL wasn't enough to keep a dps DK through two acolytes pounding on him. His health kept disappearing by chunks. "I'm popping cooldowns! Stay with me Jong!", he yelled, but I knew it was over...

... at that very moment, everything around me came to a slow motion. I was surrounded by bright white light. and there stood, in the midst of all the glitters, Mariah Carey... in her glittering white dress... she floated over to me, cupped my balls, and whispered in my ears, "there's a heeeeerroooo if you look inside your heart."

WHUMP! /snap back to realty

She's right! I am the pimpest dope ret pally you never known! LAY ON HANDS muthafucka! You are NOT allowed to die when I'm healing.

We won. I gotta tell you healers. I don't know how you do it. Keeping someone alive is the most stressful thing ever. I think I've developed a serious case of stress-induced constipation.


Lance said...

Mariah is the secret to proper healing... You have been enlightened.

Funny story :P

AC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AC said...

Ha! It's so true. Mariah really is the secret force behind good pally healers everywhere!

It's why our raid frame bars are pink, and Tier 5 was shiny purple.

Congrats on the achievement, and great post - really made my day :)

(edited for correction)

Megan said...

LOL, Mariah comes to you in the greatest moments of need? Grats on the tit-le, er title!

Arioch said...

Now I want to take my pally Holy so I can macro "LAY ON HANDS muthafucka!"

Kendrak said...

I enjoy this post soooo much =]

Kenn said...

Sorry for the late comment, but I just stumbled on this post at the office when I should have been working and had to stifle the giggles.

Freak'n hilarious.