Friday, March 20, 2009

how to impress chicks

I saw a huge bug fly straight into a window and knocking itself out cold like in a Windex commercial. Lol, what a worthless stupid bug.

The girl working the sandwich line at the corner sandwich shop is pretty cute. She has the cutest onion butt—it makes me wanna cry.

“Hi! What can I get for you?”
“Errrrm… can I get an order of bacon cheeseburger with a side of your smile?”

Dayuuuuummm! Now, that’s how you get extra fries.

She was all giggly as she was packing my order to go.

When she handed me the box, I forgot all about the girl, because I was instantly consumed by the prospect of taking that first bite into my lunch. The cheeseburger looked at me with puppy dog eyes and whimpered, “where have you been? I was so lonely,” and that just broke my heart.

“Don’t worry baby. Daddy’s got you now. I got you right here.”

I was briskly walking out of the sandwich shop with my eyes fixed on the burger with a delirious grin on my face…tee hee hee hee hee

… and WHAM!! I ran right into the glass door. I’m not talking about almost running in where I kinda catch myself with a free hand. No, I rammed my forehead into the door with an audible thud that made everyone turn and look. If it weren’t for my superb athletic ability, I would have surely dropped the sandwich.

Someone came up and said something, but I don’t know what he said because I temporarily lost hearing on my left ear. You know those cartoon birds that circle wiley coyote’s head when an anvil drops on him? Yeah, those birds are real.

I felt like a rock star.


Megan said...


Dorgol said...

Years ago when working as a bank teller we had a customer do that. Was kind of funny.

But I had a problem. See... I can't stand visible smudges on glass. Can't. Stand. It. I won't open a glass door without using the handle, and it bothers me when I see other do it.

So this lady ran into the door. And left a smudge. From her forehead. On the door.

I couldn't take it. I had to go wipe it off within 20 minutes of the "event".

Stoico said...

lmao..... brilliant.

Anonymous said...

I literally laughed out loud when I read this . . . at least I'm not the only one to have experience a bird moment :)

Anonymous said...

Best post award!